ered, bespattered and shattered,
An absolute wreck.

From these sharks,
These mild-looking typists and clerks,
May Heaven defend you. They'll rend you--up-end you
(I carry the marks),
This meek-looking, sleek-looking, weak-looking clique
With the Bolshevist brains
Inflamed at the thought that they ought to have caught
Much earlier trains.

Mourn
For the hat that is flat
And the collar of which you were shorn.
Shed a tear for the dear little ear that you had
And the bags which to rags have been torn.
Weep for the fellow who tried but who died at your side
As the tide swept along.
He was a victim. They tricked him and kicked him to death,
Though he'd done them no wrong.

This is a Song of the Tube.
A ballad of sorrow,
A grey sort of lay of To-day and a greyer To-morrow;
A dismal, abysmal, chaotic, neurotic Creation
Of one who was done after running a mile
To the station.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Munitionaire_. "I THINK I'LL MAKE A BID FOR THAT CHAP,
MARIA, FOR A HALL-MAT AND STAIR-CARPET."]

* * * * *

From a report of the Coal Commission:--

"The next witness was Lord Dynevor. He said he had 8,270 acres
of coal land in Carmarthenshire. His interest in the estate
came to the family through one of three collieresses."

Even Mr. SMILLIE would admit that that ought to constitute an absolute
title.

* * * * *

MORE IMPENDING APOLOGIES.

From a bookseller's advertisement:

"NEW FICTION.

Reason and Belief--By Sir Oliver Lodge.

Man and the Universe--By Sir Oliver Lodge.

The Great Crusade--By Right Hon. D.

Lloyd George."--_Canadian Paper_.

* * * * *

"It was essential for Great Britain that France should
emerge from this war strong and able to defend herself. The
recognition of this fact explains the change of British policy
at Pars during the Wonference of Peace."--_The Times_.

We like the new title for the victors' conclave, but do not care so
much for the unusual spelling of the French capital, though it may
have been adopted in deference to American prejudices.

* * * * *

"DIAMOND-CUT-DIAMOND."

This is to warn all honest men to beware o