fficult to say. Sometimes I--er--SHAW--er--well, it's ----"
(_with a gesture somewhat Gallic_) "How can I put it?"

"Not THACKERAY at all?" he says, watching me eagerly.

I decide to risk it.

"Oh, but of course! I mean--THACKERAY! When I said MEREDITH I was
thinking of the _others_. But THACKERAY--I mean THACKERAY _is_--
er--" (_I've forgotten his name for the moment and go on hastily_) I
mean--er--THACKERAY, obviously."

He shakes me by the hand. I am his friend.

But this conversation only takes place in my more hopeful moments. In
my less hopeful ones I see myself going into the country for quite a
long time.

A.A.M.

* * * * *

ANOTHER IMPENDING APOLOGY.

"The book contains a portrait of the author and several other
quaint illustrations."--_Daily Paper_.

* * * * *

"Miss Leitch played delightful golf up to the hole, but when
once she had arrived there the result was almost ludicrous, as
she could not hit the ball truly with her puttee."--_Evening
Paper_.

Personally we have always found this an ineffective weapon.

* * * * *

ROYAL ACADEMY-SECOND DEPRESSIONS.

[Illustration: IN THE DAYS OF AULD LANGSIDE.

_The Despatch-Bearer._ "EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT THE QUEEN IS HERE. YOU
ARE REQUESTED TO MAKE AS LITTLE NOISE AS POSSIBLE, AND, ABOVE ALL, _NO
BLOODSHED_."

_Bothwell (to Mary, Queen of Scots)._ "IF YOU WOULD DEIGN TO TURN
YOUR HEAD A LITTLE, DEAR MADAM, YOU WILL FIND THAT THE BATTLE IS OVER
HERE."]

[Illustration: _The Cheshire Cat._ "I NEVER GET TIRED OF THIS STORY
ABOUT DICK WHITTINGTON."]

[Illustration: _The Profiteer's Wife (sadly)._ "POOR WILLIAM HASN'T
BEEN HIMSELF SINCE ARMISTICE DAY."]

[Illustration: _The Man (listening to the lark and quoting the poet)._
"UP WITH ME, UP WITH ME INTO THE CLOUDS."

_The Lady_. "OH, JOHN, LET US STAY HERE. I DON'T FEEL IN AN AVIATING
MOOD TO-DAY."]

[Illustration: _The Spoilt Beauty._ "WHAT ROTTEN LUCK! I SIMPLY
_DAREN'T_ GO JAZZING WITH THIS BLACK EYE!"]

[Illustration: "THE SCRAP OF PAPER." _Both (mentally)._ "WHAT A FINE
DRAMATIC SUBJECT THIS WOULD MAKE FOR AN ACADEMY PICTURE!"]

[Illustration: MISS WINNIE WENDOVER SELECTS HER COSTUMES FOR THE NEW
REVUE. THE CHARMING AND TYPICALLY ENGLISH ACTRESS IN HER DELIGHTFUL
TURKISH BUNGALOW NEAR STAINES.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Billiard-marker (a