just presented me with an album; and the
Directors, as I've heard, are going to give me an address and a silver
loving-cup.... [Playing with his monocle] Very nice, as my name's
Shipuchin! It isn't excessive. A certain pomp is essential to the
reputation of the Bank, devil take it! You know everything, of
course.... I composed the address myself, and I bought the cup myself,
too.... Well, then there was 45 roubles for the cover of the address,
but you can't do without that. They'd never have thought of it for
themselves. [Looks round] Look at the furniture! Just look at it! They
say I'm stingy, that all I want is that the locks on the doors should
be polished, that the employees should wear fashionable ties, and that
a fat hall-porter should stand by the door. No, no, sirs. Polished locks
and a fat porter mean a good deal. I can behave as I like at home, eat
and sleep like a pig, get drunk....

KHIRIN. Please don't make hints.

SHIPUCHIN. Nobody's making hints! What an impossible character
yours is.... As I was saying, at home I can live like a tradesman, a
_parvenu_, and be up to any games I like, but here everything must be
_en grand_. This is a Bank! Here every detail must _imponiren_, so to
speak, and have a majestic appearance. [He picks up a paper from the
floor and throws it into the fireplace] My service to the Bank has been
just this--I've raised its reputation. A thing of immense importance is
tone! Immense, as my name's Shipuchin! [Looks over KHIRIN] My dear man,
a deputation of shareholders may come here any moment, and there you are
in felt boots, wearing a scarf... in some absurdly coloured jacket....
You might have put on a frock-coat, or at any rate a dark jacket....

KHIRIN. My health matters more to me than your shareholders. I've an
inflammation all over me.

SHIPUCHIN. [Excitedly] But you will admit that it's untidy! You spoil
the _ensemble_!

KHIRIN. If the deputation comes I can go and hide myself. It won't
matter if... seven... one... seven... two... one... five... nought.
I don't like untidiness myself.... Seven... two... nine... [Uses the
counting-frame] I can't stand untidiness! It would have been wiser of
you not to have invited ladies to to-day's anniversary dinner....

SHIPUCHIN. Oh, that's nothing.

KHIRIN. I know that you're going to have the hall filled with them
to-night to make a good show, but you look out, or they'll spoil
everything. They cause all sorts of mischief and diso