avalry are nil.

_Anxious to help._--The pistols used by your grandfather during the
Peninsular War would not, we are afraid, be of any use to your nephew in
the present campaign.

_All-British Matron._--We regret that we do not quite understand from
your letter whether it is your new Vicar that you suspect of pro-German
proclivities, or the pew-opener. We advise you to communicate with the
nearest Rural Dean or Archdeacon.

_Troubled Parent._--We fear that your boy will be obliged to dispense
with his hot-water bottle now that he has joined the Army, and it would
be no use your writing to his commanding officer about the matter.

_Aunt Alice._--Lord KITCHENER hardly ever accepts invitations to
tea-parties, but it was nice of you to think of asking him.

* * * * *

"Dans l'Est, nous avons du refuser une suspension d'armes,
probablement destinee a l'inhumation des blesses."

To judge from this extract from _Le Nord Maritime_ the French still lack
a true appreciation of German culture.

* * * * *

Illustration: OWING TO THE OUTCRY AGAINST HIGH-PLACED ALIENS A WEALTHY
GERMAN TRIES TO LOOK AS LITTLE HIGH-PLACED AS POSSIBLE.

* * * * *

TRUTHFUL WILLIE.

[_Suggested by an American's interview with the CROWN PRINCE and also by
WORDSWORTH'S "We are Seven"._]

A simple earnest-minded youth,
Who wore in both his eyes
A calm pellucid lake of Truth--
What should he know of lies?

I met a gentle German Prince,
His name was Truthful WILL,
An honest type--and, ever since,
His candour haunts me still.

"About this War--come tell me, Sir,
If you would be so kind,
Just any notions which occur
To your exalted mind."

"Frankly, I cannot bear," said he,
"The very thought of strife;
It seems so sad; it seems to me
A wicked waste of life.

"Thank Father's God that I can say
My constant aim was Peace;
I simply lived to see the Day
(_Den Tag_) when wars would cease.

"But, just as I was well in train
To realise my dream,
Came England, all for lust of gain,
And spoilt my beauteous scheme.

"But tell me how the rumours run;
Be frank and tell the worst
Touching myself; you speak to one
With whom the Truth comes first."

"Prince," I replied, "the vulgar view
Pictured you on your toes
Eager for gore; they say that you