H'S
No longer contemptible force,
But their work with the gun and the sabre,
Their frenzied attempts to break through,
Are child's play compared with the labour
Allotted to you.

One fears that your gallant intentions
Will meet with a general scorn,
For I doubt if all history mentions
A hope so extremely forlorn;
But, should you succeed in acquitting
The Huns and their bellicose boss,
All the world will unite in admitting
You merit your Cross.

* * * * *

War Stringency.

From the catalogue of a G. W. R. salvage sale:--

"696. 2 bags tares and 1 grass seed."

We have bought the grass seed and are planting it in our garden. If
anybody hears of another for sale we shall be glad to know.

* * * * *

"ZOUAVES CARRY WOOD AT POINT OF BAYONET."

_Daily Paper._

We always keep a cork tip on ours in case of accidents.

* * * * *

Illustration: "SEE 'IM? WELL, WHEN 'E SEZ ''OO GOES THERE?' IF YOU'RE A
ENGLISHMAN YOU 'AS TO SAY 'FRIEND!' AND IF YOU'RE A GERMAN YOU 'AS TO
SAY 'FOE!'"

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)

One aspect of the present problem (as this sounds a little too like a
leading article, I should explain that I mean the Christmas present
problem) has this year been very satisfactorily settled. Everybody buys
some books at this time; and when you know that for two shillings and
sixpence you can now purchase the best and most characteristic work of
two-score famous writers and artists, and, moreover, that the said
half-crown will go to one of the most sensible and practical of all the
Funds, naturally _Princess Mary's Gift Book_ (HODDER AND STOUGHTON) is
going to figure large in this year's list of things-not-to-forget.
Honestly and without hyperbole, I question if a better collection has
ever been brought together. From the first page (on which you will find
a charming portrait by Mr. J. J. SHANNON of the gracious young lady to
whose timely inspiration the volume is due) to the last, everyone seems
to have given his or her best. Not only this, but the precise kind of
best that we most like to have from them. To take a few examples at
random, here is a song of _Big Steamers_ by Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING, with
the jolliest ship-pictures by Mr. NORMAN WILKINSON; a Zulu tale by