hioner Robinson._ I'll give you a hundred cartridges in exchange
for your bayonet if you like. Sickening the Germans coming just now;
it's my birthday next week and I'd been practically promised one by Aunt
Sarah.

IN ANOTHER PART OF THE FIELD.

_Elder Perks, C.B. (that is to say, "completely bald")._ What the blank
blanket do those blanks think they're doing?

_Lay-Helper Snooks._ I beg your pardon, Sir, for reminding you, but
_military_ terms are not allowed to be used.

_Elder Perks._ Quite right, Snooks; I forgot myself. Kindly request the
organist to sound the Assemble. Those naughty lads are running in the
wrong direction.

AT THE GERMAN HEADQUARTERS.

_German Officer (to prisoner)._ You are a civilian and you are caught
bearing arms. Have you anything to offer in your defence?

_Prisoner._ Civilian be blowed! I'm recognised by the War Office. Look
at my---- Oh lor, it's come off again!

_German Officer._ Well?

_Prisoner._ I know appearances are against me, but----

_German Officer._ What is your rank?

_Prisoner._ Er--Chairman of the Committee.

_German Officer._ I thought so. (_To Sergeant_) Take him away and shoot
him. (_To Prisoner_) Any last message you wish to leave will be
delivered.

_Prisoner (drawing himself up nobly)._ Tell my wife not to mourn me.
Tell her that I die happy (_his voice breaks for a moment_) knowing that
my death (_with deep emotion_) is--technically--(_a happy smile
illuminates his face_) an illegal one.

* * *

And so I tell James not to worry. If the worst befalls him--and all the
time when I was writing "prisoner" above I seemed to see James in that
position--if the worst befalls him, his partner will at least be able to
bring an action against somebody. For we are not "civilians." We
are--well, I don't quite know _what_ we are.

A. A. M.

* * * * *

OUR MIGHTY PENMEN.

(_In acknowledgment of the services of some of the gifted
representatives of "The Daily Mail" and "The Daily Chronicle."_)

_Correspondents, though banned at the Front,
Are so manfully doing their "stunt"
In searching for news
That the Limerick Muse
Thus honours their skill in the hunt._

The despatches of Mr. ELIAS
Are so laudably free from all bias
That their moderate strain
Has given much pain
To the shade of the late ANANIAS.

K. OF K., who by birth is a Kerry man,
Much approves of the work of Z. FER