o, I'm not," I said. "I can't eat anything, and I doubt if I can write
a word after this."

"What earthly difference would having lunch make?" said Honor.

"None to you," I said. "You can gorge yourself on macaroni cheese while
the Empire totters."

I kicked the fallen waste-paper basket across the room. I don't suppose
I added more than fifty or sixty words to my article in the next
hour-and-three-quarters.

Then I heard Peter whistling in the hall. He had finished lunch and was
just off to school again.

I called him. "Look here, old man," I said, "you might get me a paper at
the station before going to school. I want to see about Italy joining
Austria. It's awful."

"You don't need a paper," said Peter; "look on the map and you'll see
that Italy joins Austria," and he fled. It was well for him that he
fled.

"Any more of that macaroni cheese left?" I said, rushing into the dining
room. "I've just swallowed the oldest joke in the world and I want to
take away the taste of it."

* * * * *

Illustration: _Village Worthy (discussing possibilities of invasion)._
"WULL, THERE CAN'T BE NO BATTLE IN THESE PARTS, JARGE, FOR THERE BAIN'T
NO FIELD SUITABLE, AS YOU MAY SAY; AN' SQUIRE 'E WON'T LEND 'EM THE USE
OF 'IS PARK."

* * * * *

"During 1912 we imported 2,290,206,240 foreign eggs. It is estimated
that over 60% of these are no longer available."--_Advt._

Heaven preserve us from the other 40%.

* * * * *

THE LAST LINE.

V.

At last! We are "recognised" by the War Office! Our months of toil are
not to go unrewarded. Two hours every evening at the end of an ordinary
civilian day's work, all Saturday afternoon and the whole of Sunday, we
have given these up cheerfully, supported by the hope of ultimate
recognition. And now it is come!

The terms of the War Office are generous. They are these. Provided that
we buy our own rifles and equipment and continue to pay our own training
expenses; provided that we use no military terms and make no attempt to
wear any clothing which may look to the Germans at all like a soldier's
uniform; provided that the War Office is at perfect liberty to employ
upon those of us within the age limits a conscription for whole-time
service which it has no intention of employing upon the more patriotic
man who spends his week-ends playing golf; these provisions complied
with, w