Royal Irish Constabulary without further qualifications is no doubt
responsible for fifty per cent. of the loss, whilst fair wear and tear
probably account for the remainder.

* * *

"It is high time," writes a correspondent in _The Daily Mail_, "that a
clearly defined waist-line should be reintroduced into feminine dress."
Others claim that as the neck-line is now worn round the waist the
reintroduction of a waist-line elsewhere can only lead to confusion.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Insurance Clerk_ (_taking personal particulars of
prospective policy-holder_). "AND WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION, SIR?"

_Artist._ "PAINTER."

_Clerk._ "WHAT SORT OF PAINTER?"

_Artist._ "SPLENDID."]

* * * * *

THE COAL STRIKE.

"The part of the public is to keep cool."--_The Times._

A strike should make this fairly easy.

* * * * *

From the advertisement of a "Unique Battlefields Tour":--

"Passports and Visors obtained and annoyances reduced to a minimum."--
_Daily Paper._

Then why this knightly precaution?

* * * * *

A COUP FOR "THE DAILY TRAIL."

We all knew at the office that Micklebrown had gone to Cocklesea for his
holiday. If anyone had offered him a free pass to the Italian lakes or any
other delectable spot Micklebrown would have declined it and taken his
third return to Cocklesea. Like Sir WALTER RALEIGH when he started for
South America to find a gold-mine, Micklebrown had an object in view. He
hoped to discover a topaz in Cocklesea. We knew the reason for this
optimism. We had been shown the lizard-brooch, a dazzling thing of gold and
precious stones, which Micklebrown had picked up last Bank Holiday on the
cliff at Cocklesea and presented to his _fiancee_, Miss Twitter, after
inquiry at the police-station had failed to discover its owner.

Most people would have been satisfied to leave well alone, but Micklebrown
is a man who hankers after the little more. The lizard's tail was composed
of topaz stones, and from its tip one topaz was obviously missing. "My firm
impression is that I did the damage when I trod on it," Micklebrown said.
"You see I put my foot right slap on the thing. I can't get it out of my
head that that topaz stuck in the mud and it's sticking there to this day.
Anyway I go to Cocklesea for my holiday to look. I know the very identical
spot." He close