BECOMING."]

* * * * *

RHYMES OF THE UNDERGROUND.

The story has been told to you
Of good Adolphus Minns of Kew,
Whose virtuous ways have won renown
From Barking Creek to Acton Town.

Now with that hero's blameless life
Contrast the conduct of his wife:
Avoidance of egregious sins
Is not the way of Mrs. Minns.

That lady, I regret to say,
While bent on shopping every day,
Makes no attempt to get it o'er
Between the hours of ten and four.

To harassed booking-office clerks
She makes irrelevant remarks,
And tenders, to the crowd's despair,
A pound-note for a penny fare,
Or, what perhaps is even worse,
Starts fumbling in a baggy purse.

She'll step aboard a Highgate train,
Then check and double back again,
And ask a dislocated queue
If she is right for Waterloo.

The liftmen, who, you recollect,
Spoke of Adolphus with respect,
Are pessimistic, even for them,
About the fate of Mrs. M.

Where Gertrude Minns will go when she
Departs this life is not for me,
Or you, or liftmen, to decree.
And, any way, we needn't fret;
She shows no sign of dying yet.

* * * * *

[Illustration: FIRST AID.

_Examiner._ "WHAT MEASURES WOULD YOU TAKE IF YOU HAD TO TREAT A CASE OF
SUNSTROKE?"

_Boy Scout_ (_who has negotiated fairly successfully a fractured jaw,
broken forearm and severed femoral artery_). "I WOULD DRAG HIM INTO THE
SHADE, STRIP HIM TO THE WAIST, POUR COLD WATER ON HIM AND PUT HIM INTO
ISOLATION IF THERE WAS ANY ICE."]

* * * * *

THE END OF THE SEASON.

The letters of the alphabet were talking.

"It's been a wonderful season," said S. "I 'm very proud of it."

"Yes," said C; "I don't suppose so much interest was ever taken in cricket
before. The number of people able to spend time at a match has been the
greatest ever known."

L agreed. "Even on the middle days of the week," he said, "Lord's has been
packed."

"Lord's, forsooth!" O struck in. "Lord's has been empty compared with the
Oval. The Ovalites have lost no opportunity of watching their heroes."

"When you say 'their heroes' you mean also mine," said H. "But they are not
confined to the Oval. I have some at Lord's too; in fact, all over the
country. It has been, all the best critics say, an H year." He ticked them
off on his fingers. "For Surrey, HOBBS and HITCH; for Middlesex, HEN