a parcel of Russian
tongues. "These," writes our esteemed Correspondent (we omit
complimentary preface), "should before cooking be soaked for a week in
cold water, and then boiled for a day." We are not disposed to spoil
a ship for a ha'p'orth of tar, and shall improve upon these generous
instructions. Having spent a week and a day in personally directing
the preliminary process, we intend to grill the tongues for thirty-six
hours, fry them for an afternoon, stew them for two days, hang them
out of the window for five hours, and then bray them in a mortar. We
fancy what is left will be worth eating.

* * * * *

RYMOND has been reading, with much interest, HENED's account of how he
got the Influenza, and what he did with it. Apparently the first thing
to do is, to "send for a thermometer," (as others would send for a
Doctor), and take it to bed with you.

"Evidently," HENED writes last week in _his_ journal, "when a person
does not feel well, he should try his temperature, and, if it be
abnormally high, he should go to bed, and stay there until it comes
down."--"Of course," RYMOND observes, with rare lapse into cynicism,
"when the bed comes down, he is bound to go."

* * * * *

MATRIMONY UP TO DATE.

[The Defendant in a recent breach of promise case wrote to his
intended, "When we are married you will have to sit with me
when I am queer."]

Dear Ladies, who contemplate marriage,
And imagine you'll ride in a carriage,
With a house of your own, and your servants to wait for you,
I'm afraid there's a totally different fate for you.
When the word has been said, and the honeymoon's over,
And you're safely returned, say, from Folkestone or Dover,
If you see your hub ailing,
And painfully paling,
And you wish to be off, and not linger about him,
But enjoy to the full your new freedom without him,
Remember, remember,
From Jan. to December,
You must tie yourselves down, and be constantly near
With the pill-box and posset,
And all that may cosset
That bore of a husband, whenever he's queer.

* * * * *

CELA VA SANS DIRE.--In reply to the Salvationists' Solicitors, an
opinion was given, signed by Sir CHARLES RUSSELL, with WIT. Why drag
in WIT? When CHARLES RUSSELL's name appears, the wit is taken for
granted.

* * * *