S. RAM'S.--They were talking of Mr. JOHN MORLEY. "He's not a
practical politician," said some one, "he's a doctrinaire." "Is he,
indeed?" said our excellent old Lady, "then I daresay I met him when
I was in Scotland." Observing their puzzled expression, she added,
"Yet it's more than likely I didn't, as, when in the North, I was so
uncommonly well that I never wanted a medical man." Subsequently it
turned out that she had understood Mr. J.M. to be a "_Doctor in Ayr_."

* * * * *

SONG FOR LORD ROSEBERY.

(_AFTER "TOM TUG," IN THE "WATERMAN."_)

Then farewell, my County Council,
Cheek, and fads, and bosh farewell,
Never more in Whitehall Gardens
Shall your ROSEB'RY take a spell.

* * * * *

CHANGE OF NAME SUGGESTED.--Why call the place _Monte Carlo_, why not
_Mont "Blanc" Junior_? The Leviathan Winner who broke the record and
the tables, Mr. HILL WELLS, might also alter his name according to his
luck. A run of HILL-luck would settle him: but when "WELL's the word,"
he could forget the HILL-doing of the previous day.

* * * * *

[Illustration: JANUARY 14, 1892.]

* * * * *

CONFESSIONS OF A DUFFER.

II.--THE SOCIAL DUFFER.

If my Confessions are to be harrowing, it is in this paper that they
will chiefly provoke the tear of sentiment. Other Confessors have
never admitted that they are Social Duffers, except Mr. MARK PATTISON
only, the Rector of Lincoln College; and he seems to have Flattered
himself that he was only a Duffer as a beginner. My great prototypes,
J.J. ROUSSEAU, and MARIE BASHKIRTSEFF, never own to having been Social
Duffers. But I cannot conceal the fact from my own introspective
analysis. It is not only that I was always shy. Others have fled, and
hidden themselves in the laurels, or the hedgerows, when they met a
lady in the way--but they grew out of this cowardly practice. Often
have I, in a frantic attempt to conceal myself behind a hedge, been
betrayed by my fishing-rod, which stuck out over the top. The giggles
of the young women who observed me were hard to bear, but I confess
that they were not unnatural.

[Illustration]

Shyness is a fine qualification in a Social Duffer, and it is greatly
improved by shortness, and, as one may say, stupidity of sight. I
never recognise anyone whom I know; on the other hand, I frequently
recognise people whom I n