enerally go further with ease, and _Dearest_ is
certainly superlative. The Field a monkey. Who said that? Whoever he
was, let him beware! That is all I have to say in the meantime, but
anyone desiring further information is requested to apply to me by
letter at the office, enclosing twelve clean stamps for a reply.
All who are not in a state of niddy-noddying, anserous, asinine,
gruel-brained, pumpkin-faced, gooseberry-eyed imbecility, will, of
course, do so.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PROFESSOR TYNDALL'S LATEST PORTRAIT OF MR. C.,
_Executed with Scientific Accuracy and Considerable Restraint of Tone.
(Guildford, May 28.)_]

* * * * *

A Shaftesbury Song.

(AIR--_"With a Doodah!" as sung years ago, with great
applause, by_ Mr. W. E. GL-DST-NE.)

OUR Author JONES has come out strong
With a _Judah_! With a _Judah_!
Original drama, three Acts long,
_Judah! Judah!_ pay!
It's bound to run each night,
And many a _Matinee_.
I'll lay my money on the WILLARD nag.
Ev'ryone will see the play.

* * * * *

"EMBARRASSING!"

_Or, The Political Scipio and the East African Charmer._

"Though the topic of Africa is said to be 'embarrassing and
inconvenient,' it need not occasion any uneasiness at all;
but if the British Government surrenders any portion of the
territory reserved for the sphere of British influence, it may
become most terribly embarrassing within a measurable period
of time."--_Stanley's Reply to Lord Salisbury._

STANLEY, _loquitur_:--

HISTORY repeats itself! Perhaps it may do,
But "with a difference." The moral Sages
Think that if anyone holds wisdom, _they_ do;
But not all sense is stored in pedant's pages.
Historic parallels, from PLUTARCH downwards,
Are rather pretty fancies than realities.
I am no book-worm, have no leanings gownwards.
And set small store by moralist's banalities.
To pose as SCIPIO, that pudent Roman,
So praised by pedagogue POLYBIUS, seemingly
Pleases a Tory Premier. Well, our foeman
Won't slumber whilst _we_ choose to doze on dreamingly.
SCIPIO at New Carthage was a hero
Of virgin virtue and high generosity;
But hopes in Africa will fall to zero,
If "policy" means virtuous pomposity.
The chaste Proconsul turned his visage blushingly,
From what with him was persona