s, as
they had some important business in hand, promising to return for
them at six o'clock. They had to go to an architect's office in Great
George Street, to inspect the plans of the new Laundry, which LIONEL
had persuaded the Earl to erect on the waste ground where he had had
his memorable conversation with the tinker."

This plan might advantageously be applied to the fashionable, the
military, the sporting, and the adventurous novel. Indeed, most
writers seem to think that it has been. Meanwhile, nobody need
starve while they can turn their scissors to intelligent use. Yours
obediently,

THE RETIRED CLIPPER.

* * * * *

[Illustration: SKETCH AT A CONCERT.

VARIATIONS ON THE ORIGINAL HAIR.]

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

JOURNALISTIC REPORTING.

"_Applause in court, which was instantly suppressed_;" _i.e._, Some
foolish people made a noise at the wrong moment, and applauded the
wrong person.

"_The case excited the greatest interest, and from an early hour in
the morning the approaches to the court were thronged by a vast press
of individuals, representing a large proportion of the rank, fashion,
and intellect of the Metropolis_;" _i.e._, A crowd of loafers and
London busy-bodies came to hear an offensive trial.

A LITTLE MUSIC.

"_Well, I just put a song or two in my pocket, on the off-chance, you
know_;" _i.e._, "I've half-a-dozen, but he's so jealous he'll take
precious good care I shan't sing 'em all."

PRIVATE THEATRICALS.

"_No, my dear old chap, you_ must _play the Baron. You see,
anybody, why I myself, can rattle through the Count. Plays itself,
don'tcherknow. But the Baron,_ that _wants an Actor. No, no, you must
play the Baron_;" _i.e._, "_He_ play the Count, at his age, and with
his figure, and cut me out of my favourite part! Put a spoke in _that_
wheel."

"With _a song! Oh, but_ is _my voice good enough to go with Miss
Seetop's?_" _i.e._, "Scraggy screamer; she'd spoil SIMS REEVES at his
best."

"_What I'm anxious about is the love-scene. You see I'm hardly up to
the Romeo role_;" _i.e._, "With _such a Juliet_!"

* * * * *

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