_Disgust of his companion, who descends stairs in offended
silence, as scene closes._

* * * * *

[Illustration: "EMBARRASSING!"]

* * * * *

IN THE KNOW.

(_By Mr. Punch's Own Prophet._)

I AM told that many of the millions who have read with delight the
brilliant sporting articles that have appeared from my pen week after
week expect me to utter a few words of seasonable advice as to the
chances of the various animals engaged in the Derby and the Oaks. If I
were one of the chowder-headed numskulls who cackle for hire, the task
would doubtless be an easy one. Mr. J. has performed it yearly with
that magnificent want of success which attends all his addle-pated
efforts. But, praise be to Heaven! I am not Mr. J., or one of his
crew. I am only a humble writer, distinguished alike for his unerring
sagacity, his undeviating accuracy, and his incisive force of
expression. My task is, therefore, stupendous, but I will perform it.

THE DERBY.

There are many horses in for the Derby. Some people fancy _Surefoot_.
Fancies are not, of course, facts, but the name is good. Keep your
eye on the black and cerise of LIDDIARD. _Sainfoin_ is not generally
supposed to cover grass, but there are generally exceptions. I have
not heard the angels calling _Le Nord_ lately, but they may begin at
any time. A man may get _home_, so may a horse, and I am bound to say
that if I were _The Beggar_ I should give the lie to the crack-brained
puddling proverb, and be a chooser of first place. _Bel Demonio_
should be all there when the first part of his name rings, so that
he may go like the second, if he wants to be one, two, or three.
_Rathbeal_ rhymes to heel. Has he got a clean pair to show? _Orwell_
should score well; and you must never, tie your _Garter_ too tightly,
unless you want to stop your circulation. _Golden Gate_ is not always
as open as might be wished; and _The Imp_ is sometimes a hindrance.
Good old _Polonius_! As for _Kirkham_, _Alloway_, _Martagon_, and
_Loup_, all I can say is, Mum's the word. How about the Field? Monkeys
are often made there. So much for the Derby.

THE OAKS.

Who said _Semolina_? Passion, passion take advice, fill your pockets
fall of _Semolina_. Ha, ha! _Signorina_ ought certainly not to miss
the mark by more than a mile. _Memoire_ might do _pour servir_,
and _Goldwing_ sounds well for a flyer. Those who cross the
_Ponza (sinorum)_ g