ed.

----
"GAS-ALERT!"
----

Great Britain is said to be making progress in the gentle art of
extracting explosives from chestnuts. Chauncey Depew was master of that
art long, long, ago.

* * * *

"Keep the Home Fires Burning" is very pretty, and all that, but "keep
the billet fires aglow" is a lot more practical.

* * * *

Broadway, the papers tell us, is now dark after eleven o'clock at night,
and thinks it a hardship. Shucks! We could mention some French cities
that, until recently, were dark after four o'clock in the afternoon.

* * * *

It may be set down as a plain, unvarnished, Teutonic lie that fuel has
become so scarce in the States that minstrel shows will soon be
abolished by Federal order because of a lack of burnt cork.

* * * *

Just think! After the war is over it'll be like going from boyhood into
manhood. We'll "graduate into long trousers" again.

* * * *

Over in the States, Mondays have been declared legal holidays because of
the shortage of coal. But over here, with coal and wood even scarcer, we
drill on washday, whether or no.

* * * *

What puzzles us is how Great Britain, on a diet of that warm beer, can
continue to produce tanks that terrorize the Germans.

* * * *

Mrs. Margaret Deland says she wishes every soldier in the army might see
"Damaged Goods." Shucks, Mrs. Deland; we all saw damaged goods when we
got our belated Christmas packages.

* * * *

Mr. Charles M. Schwab has given up his private car for the duration of
the war, and will, according to a despatch from the States, "do his
travelling in the conventional day coach or Pullman." We, too, have
given up our private cars, and now do our travelling in the conventional
third-class carriages or "Hommes 40, Chevaux 8."

* * * *

Cheer up, lads! Pity the poor chaps back home who got married to escape
the army! Between Hindenburg and a mother-in-law, pick Hindenburg for an
enemy, every time.

* * * *

What has become of the old-fashioned