We hear that you have been regaled with some alarming stories about us
of the A.E.F. and our conduct here in France. In fact, some of those
stories have been relayed to us, and if they weren't so far from the
truth we might be inclined to get really mad. But knowing the authors of
some of them--for some of the hysterical stripe have really been over
here--our first inclination is to laugh.

But, after all, it's no laughing matter to be talked about behind our
backs in such a reckless and irresponsible way by reckless and
irresponsible people, though no doubt some of them have the best
intentions in the world and think that they, and they alone, can save
us. (They have probably told you that, and asked you to contribute money
to their worthy cause, haven't they?) What hurts most, however, is the
thought that, though we know you are loyal to us and have the firmest of
faith in us, perhaps these dire tales may have caused you anxiety, may
even have brought you to believe that perhaps, after all, we had become
a bit neglectful of our trust; and that, so believing, you might have
been sorely, and entirely unduly, distressed in spirit.

Be assured that these sensational stories are nothing but myths. Absolutely
nothing else. And we have the facts to prove that they are. Listen:

The percentage of venereal disease in this army of yours is three-tenths
of one per cent.--the smallest percentage on record for any army, or any
civil population, in the world's history. It is a sober army, and a
well-behaved one. The statistics in the possession of the Judge Advocate
General's department prove that there have been, in proportion, fewer
cases of drunkenness, fewer breaches of military discipline among its
members than has been the case with any army whose records have been
preserved.

Now, to take a specific instance. A certain self-constituted "board of
morals" is quoted in a dispatch from the United States to the effect
that 1,046 men of the "north-eastern States" were locked up in the
guardhouse following their first pay day, for drunkenness.

That is the story; here are the facts:

Since the troops referred to as coming from the "north-eastern States"
came to France, the total number of their men locked up in the
guardhouse for all offenses--not for drunkenness alone, mind you--has
been exactly 134 to date. In other words, the self-constituted champions
of sobriety generously multiplied by eight the number of men imprisone