, particularly those who have trained with
mountain batteries, think of what is passing! Think of what the younger
and more effete generation of mules is missing! No more beneath the
starry flag will be heard such he-language as this:--

"Come on, Maud, you ---- Hoosier ----! Get a wiggle on your ----
good-for-nothing carcass! GIDDAP, Bill! You long-eared, flea-bitten,
hay-demolishing, muddy-flanked, rock-ribbed ----, ---- I said it!
GIDDAP!"

Or with the native product: "Depechez-vous, vous ----. Oh, h--l, I'm out
of French! Say, Jimmy! What's the word for ----? Never mind; all mules
understand ----! Hey there, you ----! Make tracks!"

Now, all is changed and such dulcet appeals to His Muleship as this are
the order of the day:

"Get a gait on, Sapphira, you ----! Oh, hell, I forgot! Aw, c'me on now,
old girl! We ain't got the whole morning t' waste! Be a sport, old lady!
Forward ---- hoh!

"Say, for ----. Oh, hell--I mean Heaven! Dammit, I forgot again! You,
Ananias, will you do me the esteemed favor to start the process? Will
you condescend to lift at least one leg?"

But This Stuff Does the Job.

Ananias puts one hoof forward in experimental manner, then stops. About
this time a brother mule-skinner enters, mouthing a corncob pipe. Says
he to the first mule-skinner:

"Whattamatter, Jerry? Don't they budge? Livin' up to orders, be yeh? Aw,
wee; way to talk to'm is third person--get me?--third person. None o'
this crude 'you' and 'yeze' stuff--same as talking to the Skipper,
y'know."

Jerry gets his mouth all fixed to say, "Aw, hell," recovers himself, and
then begins: "Will the off animile kindly step at least two paces to the
front?" (The mule starts to comply.) "I thank the off mule! Now, will
the near mule kindly follow suit?" (It also starts to comply.) "Now,
will both the near mule and the off mule be so good as to repeat the
process, both pulling together, until requested to desist? Fine; off we
go. Good Gawd--good Gawd!"

----
HOW GEORGE ADE SEES WAR.
----
Many Old Adages Must Be Revised
If Germany Wins.
----

As his contribution to the National Security League's campaign of
patriotism, George Ade has written a message to our young fighting men.
"We must win this war," he contends, "or else revise all moral codes,
rew