g pumps that freeze so stiff at night
That donning them at reveille is sure an awful fright.

He never had to pull a Ford from out of muddy ruts--
Although his breastplate warded spears from off his royal guts,
His Nibs was never forced to face the fire of "forty-twos"
And tear gas would have given him an awful case of blues.

He always rode a charger, while I travel on shanks' mare;
He messed on wine and venison; I eat far humbler fare.
I'll grant he was some fencer with his doughty snickersnee,
But Richard Coeur de Lion didn't have a thing on me!

----
YES, THEY'RE A FEW.
----

Green Sentry: "Turn out the guard--Officer of the Day!"

(Officer of the Day promptly salutes, indicating, "As you were!")

Green Sentry: "Never mind the Officer of the Day!"

----
FASHION HINTS
FOR DOUGHBOYS
----
By BRAN MASH.
----

Overcoats are being worn much shorter this season, by request.

[Illustration]

The campaign hat, while still _de rigueur_ for the less formal functions
of army society, such as reveille and mess, is rapidly going out of
date. It is said on excellent authority that it will soon be supplanted
by a _chapeau_ closely resembling the cocked hat worn by certain goodly
gentlemen of Boston and vicinity during skirmish drill at Lexington and
Concord, Mass. The portrait shown herewith depicts one of the makeshifts
now much in vogue.

Rubber boots are much the rage at this season of the year. While not
exactly suited to town wear, and while the more conservative dressers
still refuse to be seen in them at afternoon-tea, they are speedily
adjusted and thus enjoy great popularity among those who are in the
habit of "just making" reveille.

Slickers are, at present writing, in great demand among the members of
the younger army set. Those who were farsighted enough to procure the
heavy black variety when it was issued last fall are counting themselves
more fortunate than their friends who chose the lighter, but colder,
blue or drab garment.

The tin brown derby is, after all, the most serviceable headgear for
all-around wear in the war zone. It should be worn on all formal
occasions, particularly when nearing