dure.

"In comes a dillygation fr'm th' Union iv Amalgamated Pantsmakers; an'
says th' chairman, 'Major,' he says, 'we have a complaint to make
again thim pants iv ye'ers,' he says. 'What's th' matter with th'
pants?' says th' future Prisident. 'I thought they looked all right,'
he says. 'I paid four dollars f'r thim in Bucyrus las' year,' he says.
'They have no union label on thim,' says th' chairman. 'Do you know,
sir,' he says, 'that thim pants riprisints th' oppression iv women an'
childher?' he says. 'D'ye know that ivry thread in thim seams means a
tear an' sigh?' says he. 'D'ye know that ivry time ye put on thim
pants ye take a pair off some down-throdden workman?' he says. 'Glory
be!' says Big Bill: 'is that thrue? Thin what am I to do?' he says in
alarm. 'Do?' says th' chairman. 'Wear pants that riprisints honest
toil fairly compinsated,' he says. 'Wear pants that 'll say to th'
wurruld that Bill McKinley's legs are fair legs;' he says, 'that they
may bow at th' knees, but they niver bow to th' opprissor,' he says;
'that niver did they wrap thimsilves in bags that bore th' curse iv
monno-poly an' greed,' he says. 'An' where can I get thim?' says th'
major, 'Fr'm me,' says th' frind iv labor, pullin' out a tape. 'Will
ye have wan or two hip pockets?' he says.

"An' so it goes. Ivry day a rayporther comes to th' house with a list
iv questions. 'What are ye'er views on th' issue iv eatin' custard pie
with a sponge? Do ye believe in side-combs? If called upon to veto a
bill f'r all mimbers iv th' Supreme Coort to wear hoop-skirts, wud ye
veto it or wudden't ye? If so, why? If not, why not? If a batted ball
goes out iv th' line afther strikin' th' player's hands, is it fair or
who? Have ye that tired feelin'? What is your opinion iv a hereafther?
Where did you get that hat? If a man has eight dollars an' spends
twelve iv it, what will th' poor man do? An' why an' where an' how
much?'

"Thin, if he don't answer, ivry wan says he's a thrimmer, an' ought to
be runnin' a sthreet-car an' not thryin' to poke his ondecided face
into th' White House. I mind wanst, whin me frind O'Brien was a
candydate f'r aldherman, a comity iv tax-payers waited on him f'r to
get his views on th' issues iv th' day. Big Casey, th' housemover, was
th' chairman; an' he says, says he, 'Misther O'Brien,' he says, 'we
are desirous,' he says, 'iv larnin' where ye stand on th' tariff, th'
currency question, pensions, an' th' intherstate commerce