oners say that this
vehicle is so unhealthy as to drive custom away from the Court.

***

Fruit blight threatens to be serious this year, says a daily paper,
and drastic action should be taken against the apple weevil. A very
good plan is to make an imitation apple of iron and then watch the
weevil snap at it and break off its teeth.

***

One North of England workman is said to be in a bit of a hole. It
seems that he has mislaid his strike-fixture card.

***

Immediately after a football match at Londonderry, one of the players
was shot in the leg by an opponent. The latter claims that he never
heard the whistle blow.

***

Dr. EUGENE FISK, President of the Life Extension Institute, promises
by scientific means to prolong human life for nineteen hundred years.
If this is the doctor's idea of a promise we would rather not know
what he would call a threat.

***

Wood for making pianos, says a weekly journal, is often kept for
forty years. "And even this," writes "Jaded Parent," "is not half long
enough."

***

With reference to the man who was seen laughing at Newport last week,
it is only fair to point out that he was not a ratepayer, but was only
visiting the place.

***

LARRY LEMON, says _The Sunday Express_, is considered to be better
than CHARLIE CHAPLIN. As he is quite a young man, however, it is
possible that he may yet grow out of it.

***

The Clerk of the oldest City Company writes to _The Times_ to say that
his Livery has resolved to drink no champagne at its feasts. Meanwhile
other predictions as to the end of the world should be treated with
reserve.

***

After the statement in court by Mr. Justice DARLING people
contemplating marriage should book early for divorce if they want to
avoid the rush.

***

"Why Marry?" says the title of a new play. While no valid reason
appears to exist many declare that it is a small price to pay for the
satisfaction of being divorced.

***

Three-fourths of the public only buy newspapers to read the
advertisements, says a contemporary. It would be interesting to know
what the others buy them for.

***

"Few people seem to realise," says a cinema gossip, "that Miss S.
Eaden, the American film actress, is fond of tulips." We are ashamed
to confess that we had not fully grasped this fact.

***

It appears that one newspaper has decided that May 24