ce too near and too far. Still I hope to persuade Miss
REBECCA WEST to try her hand at _Vanity Fair_. Then there is GEORGE
ELIOT, another uncertain quantity, though perhaps something might
be made of _The Mill on the Floss_ if it were renamed _Tulliver's
Travels_, and given an up-to-date industrial atmosphere by Mr. ARNOLD
BENNETT. I have my eye on Mr. LYTTON STRACHEY as the man who could
make a fine modern version of _Tom Brown's Schooldays_. At the moment
he is too busy with his _Life of Queen VICTORIA_, but I feel sure he
will not lightly abandon so splendid an opportunity of unmasking the
pedantry and pietism of Dr. ARNOLD and throwing the white light of
truth on 'Rugby Chapel.'"

* * * * *

BIRD CALLS.

III.

The robin helps to brighten Winter days
And, if you listen carefully, he says,
"Oh please, oh please do leave some crumbs for me;"
It's greed, but still he says it cheerily.

The starling rolls his "r's" with unctuous joy
And, preening, wonders whom he may annoy,
Then imitates a hen, a water-fowl
And next the "Be quick" of a white barn-owl.

The heron has a fierce and yellow eye
And eats up all our fishes on the sly;
There seems to be but one he deigns to like,
For all I hear him say is simply "Pike."

Tree-creepers, like some busy brown field-mice,
Unwearying chase the furtive fat wood-lice,
Then round the oak-tree's bole they slyly peep
And tell you what you thought you knew--"We creep."

This is the way the sparrow calls his mate;
He says it early and he says it late,
He says it softly, but he says it clear:
"Come unto me, come unto me, my dear."

* * * * *

DRESS AT THE CURZON WEDDING.

"Princess ---- wore a black hat, a cloak of tailless ermine,
and a black and silver toque."

_Daily Telegraph._

"Then came Mrs. ---- in a dull golf hat."

_Daily Graphic._

As a protest, we suppose, against the other lady's extravagance in
wearing a couple of hats.

***

"John ----, a coloured man, was charged with using obscure
language in Maria Street. The magistrates fined him
5s."--_Welsh Paper._

Most unfair! Lots of men do the very same thing in Parliament and get
paid four hundred pounds a year for it.

***

Heading from pp. 516, 517 of _Punch's_ official rival, _The Telephone
Directory_:

"SUBSCRIBERS SHOULD NOT ENGAGE ****** THE