ing away the
salary first thought of, together with the additions (and so _da
capo_), according as he wished to prevent the marriage because of
_Ernest's_ poverty, or bring it off because of _Ernest's_ disposition
to take _Helen_ to Paris (France) and dispense with empty rites, or
postpone it to gain time, or, on the contrary, have it celebrated
between the dressing and the dinner gongs in order to announce it
to important members of the family, who, if I understood the butler
aright, had already fallen on their food while host and hostess, two
pairs of lovers, Uncle _Everett_ and Cousin _John_ were bickering in
the sun-parlour.

Cousin _Theodore_, a guileless and dollarless clergyman, padded about
on the outskirts of the discussion, making obvious remarks about the
sanctity of marriage and enunciating the highest principles, which he
promptly swallowed. But it was Uncle _Everett_, the judge (the only
human figure in the bunch), who grasped the fact (long after I did,
but let that pass) that the two principal young egotists simply loved
being talked over at such gross length. To put an end to the business
he used a trick whereby, apparently according to the law of the
unnamed State in which the parlour was situate, the two were legally
married without intending it. They had the tact to accept this
solution, and this softened my heart towards them for the first time.

It was amusing to see Mr. AUBREY SMITH wondering how on earth he had
got into this play, and Mr. A. E. GEORGE prowling about the stage
intent apparently on showing how many ways there are of uttering
"Pshaw!" and "Tut-tut!" or noise to that effect. It isn't as easy as
it ought to be to do justice to players playing impossible parts; to
Miss HENRIETTA WATSON struggling pluckily and skilfully with her
_Mrs. John_; or to Mr. COWLEY WRIGHT or Miss ROSA LYND, so perfectly
appalling did _Ernest_ and _Helen_ seem to me and so anxious was I
to get them off to Paris respectably or otherwise. They never, by the
way, gave me the faintest impression that they could ever have done
work of any value in their laboratory.

I have no idea what the moral of this modern mystery play may be, but
I did gather that the authoress was seriously perplexed, not perhaps
in any startlingly new way, about the difficulties of marriage and the
conventional hypocrisies that hedge round that honourable institution,
but just forgot that serious argument cannot easily be conveyed
through