lt. "Only fancy!" Of all the weak-knee'd, wandering, effeminate,
unwholesome, immoral, dashed "rot," to quote _Lord Arthur_ in the
_Pantomime Rehearsal_, this is the weak-knee'dest, effeminatest, and all
the epithets as above superlatived. Read it by all means, and see it, too,
if you will, but if the honest English play-goer's verdict is worth a "big,
big, D" (I thank thee, W. S. G., for teaching me that abbreviated form of
dashed expressiveness!) he will give IBSEN'S _Master Builder_ the benefit
of the "D," and "D" it once and for ever. And that, at your service, my
masters, is the rough-and-ready opinion expressed by,

Yours truly, THE BARON DE B.-W.

* * * * *

A RACY READING OF AN OLD QUOTATION FROM SCOTT.

(_Suggested by Burns._)

"My foot is on Newmarket Heath!
My name, JEM LOWTHER!"

* * * * *

The benefits that Sir JOHN LAWES has been able and will yet be able to
confer on agriculturists everywhere, including those in his immediate
neighbourhood, cause him to be regarded as a living exception to the rule
about a prophet in his own country. So, in that part of England, "Profit
and LAWES" are synonymous terms, meaning the same person.

* * * * *

"HAPPINESS IN----FOLKESTONE."

["He said, 'Go and be----' I accordingly went and stayed at Folkestone."

_See last Thursday's "Daily News;" Evidence in the De Walden Case._]

Thrice happy Town Council! when pestered to pave,
Remember this fact that her Ladyship mentions.
Intend, but do nothing; your rates you can save
By paving your streets with the best of intentions.

* * * * *

HITHERTO UNREPORTED.--Mr. GLADSTONE and Mr. ASQUITH received deputations on
the Eight Hours' Question last Friday. The chief speakers were Mr. PARROT
and Mr. ONIONS. Mr. G. observed that in all his vast experience, frequently
as he had tasted a savoury dish of rabbit and onions, yet the combination
of Parrot with Onions was something really novel. Perhaps Mr. PARROT would
be useful at any bye-election, and would give them the state of the poll.
As to Mr. ONIONS, well, he (Mr. G.) hadn't words of welcome sufficiently
strong for him. Why hadn't he brought "BRER RABBIT" with him? In
approaching the Eight Hours' Question, no time must be lost, so he would at
once proceed to business.

* * * * *

[Illustration: