"The man wot smokes the rank Two-D Cigar, oh!"

* * * * *

Nuts for Knutsford.

In the City Article of last Saturday's _Times_, we read that Lord KNUTSFORD
has joined the London Board of "CHAFFEY, BROS., Limited." What a festive
board! What a rivalry must exist among the CHAFFEY Brothers as to who shall
be the chaffiest and the wheatiest of the family!

* * * * *

WOMEN'S WRONGS IN JAPAN.

[The new Japanese Press Bill prohibits women from becoming Publishers
or Editors.--_Daily Graphic._]

[Illustration]

A Land of flowers and of Art,
Which lived for centuries apart,
Some years ago woke with a start;
Folks, simply dressed by wrappin' knees
In silken robes of dainty hue,
Began to long for something new
The good, the beautiful, the true
No longer charmed the Japanese.

So Western Art improved their lot;
A House of Commons grew. Each got
Boots, trousers, frock-coat, chimney-pot.
"Art? 'E don't care a rap, an' 'e's,"
Saus 'ARRY, "sich a swell! I'm blowed
'E'd knock 'em in the Old Kent Road."
You are a sight, dressed _a la mode_
O too-progressive Japanese!

And yet, to _Madame Chrysantheme_,
Divided Skirter, Primrose Dame,
And all the rest, are but a name;
It therefore cannot happen ease
Is yours, although men dress like frights,
And even have election fights;
One thing is wanting--Women's Rights,
O _fin-de-siecle_ Japanese!

* * * * *

THE COMING COAL-SCUTTLE.

[Illustration]

Sweet Maiden, what is this you wear,
This most eccentric sort of bonnet,
That stands erect upon your hair
As though a coal-scoop fixed upon it?

A very funny shape it seems,
Flat, oval, rather like a shuttle,
Or, like some Statesmen's foreign schemes,
A sort of undecided scuttle.

And yet not wholly of the kind
Beloved by loud Salvation lasses,
Which brings the coal-box to one's mind--
BOOTH'S fashions would not suit the Classes.

There's some resemblance to a spoon,
But you are not considered "spooney"--
Word coined by some low buffoon,
Romantic, quite, as "_Annie Rooney_."

It's rather like the ace of spades,
And yet it plays the deuce with features,
O Queen of hearts, of pretty maids,
So say we knaves of clubs, male creatures;

Who look askance at what may shade--
When larger grow