l just open
for the Crown myself. (_Opens for the Crown with brilliant effect.
Applause._) No; I cannot allow any demonstration of that sort. By the way
(_to_ Counsel for the Prosecution), Have we any witnesses?

_Counsel._ Yes, my Lord, a Police Sergeant.

_Judge._ Oh, indeed, I will soon settle him. (Witness _enters box and is
sworn_.) And now, you Sir, I am not going to allow any speeches--so be on
your guard. (_Examines and cross-examines him._) Have we any more
witnesses?

_Counsel._ No, my Lord--that is our case.

_Judge._ Quite so. The face of the learned Counsel, who is retained for the
defence, is new to me, but if he has no objection, I will open for him.

_Counsel._ As your Lordship pleases.

_Judge._ Thank you. (_Addresses the Jury._) And now, if we have no
witnesses, I think I will sum up. (_To_ Counsel for the Defence.) Have we
any witnesses?

_Counsel._ As your Lordship pleases.

_Judge._ Well, I think we won't call any witnesses, because then the
Prosecution won't have a reply.

_Counsel._ As your Lordship pleases.

_Judge._ Quite so. And now, Gentlemen of the Jury, I have now my own
special functions to perform. I will sum up the case in my judicial
capacity. You must know then----(_Sums up._) And now I will leave you to
decide upon your verdict. (_Jury consults._) Or perhaps you would like to
leave the matter to me?

_Foreman of the Jury._ As your Lordship pleases.

_Judge._ Thank you. Then I think we may say "Guilty." Prisoner at the Bar,
it is now my duty to sentence you. I think, under all the circumstances of
the case, that I need not treat you too harshly. There is no doubt that the
prosecution has been conducted in a very able manner; and this remark is
equally applicable to the manner in which the defence has been carried out.
I think a month's imprisonment will be sufficient. Prisoner, you are
sentenced to a month's imprisonment.

_Prisoner._ As your Lordship pleases.

_Judge._ But, as I have had a good deal to do with this case, I think I may
as well remain in it to the end. So, with the consent of the convict, the
Counsel, and the Jury, I will go to prison myself.

_The Entire Court._ As your Lordship pleases.

_Judge._ Thank you all very much. I hope, after a month's retirement, to
have the pleasure of meeting you again.

[_Exit, in custody. Curtain._

* * * * *

FOR A FEW NIGHTS OHNET.--Mr. and Mrs. KENDAL have revived _The Ironmas