course of the odds and
ends of British personnel adhering thereto: cooks, guards, etc.
The memo. ran as follows, and it repays careful study and
thinking out; I give you the whole of it:--

"_To the Commanding Officer, Orderly Room, Hqrs._"

The undermentioned is in my opinion entirely unfitted
for the duty to which he has been detailed with this
detachment. He shows no signs of either intelligence or
industry, and I propose, with your approval, to take the
necessary steps to get rid of him forthwith.

A. B. SMITH,

_Capt. i.c. 'B' Detachment._

My friend was much concerned to hit upon exactly the right form
of reply. Eventually we agreed:--

"_To Capt. A. B. Smith, i.c. 'B' Detachment._

Good-bye.

C. D. JONES,

_Lt.-Col., O.C., etc., etc._"

Finally, let me tell you a disgraceful tale of my same friend,
which does not refer to his present command, and is, I hope,
untrue of him in any command.

The crowd for which he was then responsible was suddenly
threatened with inspection by the General who is charged with
the welfare of such people, and who very properly desired to
satisfy himself that they were both well disciplined and well
tended. So that success might be assured my friend had a
rehearsal parade. All inspections and manoeuvres being
completed, my friend stood the crowd at ease and thus addressed
them:--

"All ranks will take the utmost care to turn themselves
out smartly for the inspection and to make the
inspection a success. As the General passes along the
lines inspecting you, you will stand rigidly to
attention, eyes front. You will be asked if you have any
complaints to make, and each of you will have an
opportunity of making a complaint in the correct manner.

"In making his complaint the man should advance two
paces forward, salute smartly, stand to attention and
make his complaint.

"And, by Heavens, if anybody does...!"

Yours ever,

HENRY.

* * * * *

A TRACT FOR GROUSERS.

Ernest and I were seated by the river. It was very pleasant there, and
it seemed a small thing to us that we were both still disabled.

"Did you ever say to yourself, when you were out there, that if ever you
got out of