a top-hole scheme for a winter
waistcoat.

Alison and I spent the evening hanging the patterns up one after the
other on one wall of the dining-room, and tried to paper the rest of the
walls in the mind's eye, but at eleven o'clock we knocked off for the
night and went to bed with headaches.

I fancy Alison must have had a disturbed night. As I was leaving the
house after breakfast she said, "Have you made up your mind about those
patterns?"

"No, I haven't," I said. "I'm going to leave it to you. Choose which you
like."

"I've chosen," she said with an air of finality.

"Well," said Alison, when I reached home that evening, "it's up."

"Up?" I said. "The new paper, already?"

"Come and see," Alison said.

"By Jove, how well it looks!" I said. "You've chosen well. There's
something familiar about it, though it looks almost new."

"Yes," said Alison, "Ellen and I cleaned it all over with bread-crumbs."

"Poor Lord Bayswater," I said. "But you've done the right thing.
Wall-paper as usual during the War."

* * * * *

[Illustration: "NAH, ALL THEM AS IS WILLIN' TO COME ALONG O' ME, PLEASE
SIGNIFY THE SAME IN THE USUAL MANNER. CARRIED UNANIMOUSLY."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First dangerous Mule (to second ditto)._ "DON'T YOU GO
NEAR HER, MATE--SHE'LL KICK YER."]

* * * * *

"The annual agricultural returns show that the increased area in
England and Wales of corn and potatoes for the present harvest
amount to no less than 347,0000 acres. This result exceeds all
expectations."

_Bradford Daily Argus_.

We can well believe it.

* * * * *

From a sale advertisement:--

"LACE DEPT.

Ladies' Overalls and Breeches for the farm, garden, or home use,
reduced in Price."

_Daily Paper._

Cooler and cooler.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Angry Lady (on being told that Fido's favourite biscuits
are now unobtainable)._

"NOTHING BUT THESE! REALLY, THIS WAR IS GETTING BEYOND A JOKE!"]

* * * * *

"SKILLY."

Prior to "Skilly" being taken on the regimental strength, our canteen
was the paradise of a battalion of mice, from whose nightly raids
nothing was sacred. But from the day "Skilly" enlisted the marauders
became less and less obtrusive. And "Skilly" grew sleek.

Then came a tim