reat length of the hundreds of seventeen-inch which had
blown up all the mules.

The morning began to come and a machine-gun subaltern, looking at a
black East in search of daylight, so that he might say, "It is now
light; I may go to bed," was somewhat startled. "For," he said, "I have
received shocks as the result of too much whisky of old, but from a
split tea and chloride of lime--no! It must be the pork and beans."
However, he collected eight puzzled but peaceful mules and handed them
to a still more bewildered adjutant, who knew not if they were "trench
stores" or "articles to be returned to salvage."

In the meanwhile the Transport Officer was making inquiries, and he
recovered the eight mules. "All," he said, "are back, except Ermyntrude.
I grieve for Ermyntrude, but still more for my driver's fate."

Where Ermyntrude spent the day no one knows. All that is known is of her
conduct the next night. About eleven o'clock she stepped on a shelter,
and, being a heavy mule, came into the trench abruptly. This worried but
did not hurt her, and she proceeded down the trench at a steady trot,
bumping into the traverses. She met a ration party, and for the first
time in their lives they took refuge over the top, for Ermyntrude was
angry.

Ermyntrude reached the end of the trench and somehow got out, heading,
by chance, for Germany. That was her undoing. In a minute or so three
machine-guns began firing, bombs and rifle shots were heard, and Verey
lights innumerable flared. We never saw Ermyntrude again. But we heard
of her--or rather we read of her--for the German official report wrote
her epitaph, thus: "Near the village of ---- hostile raiding detachments
were repulsed by our machine-gun fire."

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Monica (taken in to see her mother and her new sister,
who is fretful--to nurse)_. "TAKE HER AWAY AND BRING ONE THAT DOESN'T
CRY."]

* * * * *

MOTTO FOR ALLOTMENT-HOLDERS.

"LET US SPRAY."

* * * * *

"We welcome back to a position he once filled so well, the Rev. ----,
who is taking on the pork of the parish for the duration of the
war."--_Bath and Wilts Chronicle_.

We trust it will agree with him.

* * * * *

"WANTED, a Very Plain Girl, very good references and photo asked, to
care for three children and do housework."--_Morning Paper_.

You can almost see t