For if you should fall into fun,
You might lapse into manly good-nature,
And then--well _your_ course would be run!
No,--study up spleen's nomenclature;
Learn all the mad logic of hate,
And then, though your style be like skilly,
Your sense frothy Styx in full spate.
And your maxims portentously silly;
You will find party scope for your pen,
Coin meanness and malice to money;
_But_ sour dulness must keep to his den,
And _never_ be funny.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE FOX AND THE GUINEA-PIGS.]

THE FOX AND THE GUINEA-PIGS.

_(A Financial Fable.)_

["There are dozens of Companies now existing with the Duke of
PUFFBALL, Sir BONUS BARE-ACRES, Bart., Major GUINEA PIG, M.P.,
and the like, figuring upon the Board of Directors. A
short, but drastic Act, making all such figureheads directly
responsible, would go far to prevent similar occurrences, and
to abolish a delusive, if not a fraudulent system."--_Herbert
T. Reid's Letter to the Times_.]

SMART Mr. FOX, whose brain no conscience troubles,
Floated a Company--for blowing bubbles!
"Bubbles?" the duller creatures cried in chorus,
"Are you not coming nursery nonsense o'er us?
What is the use of bubbles--save to boys?"
"Hush!" cried 'cute Reynard. "Do not make a noise!
Bubbles--if bright--are cunning's best decoys.
Bubbles are only wind plus soap and water;
But well-stirred suds, and well-blown flatulence,
In this fool world, have influence immense,
And draw unthinking dupes from every quarter.
Eloquence is but Wind, yet flowery trope
Is Humbug's favourite lure;
And what is Diplomatic Skill but soap?
Trust me! Success is sure!
Bubbles are bright, bewitch the mob, float far,
And cost the blower little.
The watery sphere _looks_ like a world, a star,
And when it bursts, being exceeding brittle,
Where it explodes (as at the rainbow's foot)
There's hidden treasure--for the clever brute
Who knows that gulls are the great wealth-bestowers,
Bubbles mean solid bullion--for the blowers!"

The shrewder animals applauded. Lupus
Cried, "We are with you, so you do not dupe us!"
Ursus and Taurus also, Bull and Bear,
Were eager in the game to take a share.
Said Vulpus to the assembled quadrupeds,
"Company Boards, like ships, need figureheads,
Wooden but ornamental! Eh? You twig?
Sweet are