the sake of Mr. J. M.
BARRIE, its talented author, it is to be hoped that the conditions
of the performance of his popular play are not "fee nominal." But for
this J. L. T.--which initials stand for Jenerous Lavish TOOLE--will
have already made ample provision.

[Illustration: WAYS AND MEANS.

_Kitty._ "WELL, VIOLA, I THINK IT'S A PERFECTLY LOVELY PHOTOGRAPH! THE
WORST OF VANBRANDT IS THAT HE'S SO AWFULLY EXPENSIVE. WHAT DID YOU PAY
FOR THESE?"

_Viola._ "OH, I DIDN'T PAY ANYTHING. THEY TOOK ME AS A TYPE OF ENGLISH
BEAUTY, AND GAVE ME HALF-A-DOZEN FOR MYSELF."

_Kitty._ "WHAT A SPLENDID IDEA! I THINK I'LL BE DONE ON THOSE TERMS!"]

DOUBLE BALLADE OF PROPER NAMES.

I've met (in wax) VOLTAIRE,
The atheist, TOM PAINE,
The "blatant beast," HEBERT,
Called also "Pere DUCHENE";
The bluff Sir HARRY VANE,
The boys' delight, DEFOE,
Brave ABRAHAM DUQUESNE,
And "BAYARD" OUDINOT.

Fell "JEAN qui rit" BARRERE,
The Tartar, TAMERLANE,
The "sea-green" ROBESPIERRE,
The sportive "Pea-Green" HAYNE.
The boxer, "Big Ben" BRAIN,
The convert, BENDIGO,
The social WALTER CRANE,
And gay BOCCACCIO.

The gloomy BAUDELAIRE,
The wise Professor BAIN,
Truth-loving LABOUCHERE,
The anatomic QUAIN,
The dramatist, SEDAINE;
The polished MARIVAUX,
The able critic, TAINE,
And keen LA ROCHEFOUCAULD.

The learned brothers HARE,
The "mummer," JOHN MACLEAN,
The dismal poet, BLAIR,
The funny CORNEY GRAIN;
That "innocent," MARK TWAIN,
The Spaniard, CANDAMO,
The gentle JULIAN FANE,
And EDGAR ALLAN POE.

The perjured knight, MACAIRE,
The recreant BAZAINE,
The pious LACORDAIRE,
The Anglophobist, BLAINE;
The rebel Gen'ral WAYNE,
The gen'rous WATERLOW,
The "good time coming" SWAIN,
And wise old CICERO.

The Dutch sea-dog, LE MAIRE,
The warlike Prince EUGENE,
The gallant Earl of STAIR;
Grim PHILIP, King of Spain,
Our Saxon ATHELSTANE,
The false queen, ISABEAU,
The nine days queen, Queen JANE,
And Madame D'HOUDETOT.

My Lady CASTLEMAINE,
The ghostly Mrs. CROWE,
The fleshy EVELEEN RAYNE,
And Mrs. BEECHER STOWE.

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Thursday, April 6._--Met again after so-called
Easter Holidays. Mr. G. early in his place, looking as blooming as the
Spring flowe