awarded the first prize for her clever impersonation of a telephone
girl.

***

We are glad to learn that the thoughtless tradesman who, in spite
of the notice, "Please ring the bell," deliberately knocked at the
front-door of a wooden house, has now had to pay the full cost of
rebuilding.

***

After reading in her morning paper that bumping races were held
recently at Cambridge, a dear old lady expressed sorrow that the
disgraceful scenes witnessed in many dance-rooms in London had spread
to one of our older universities.

***

Tyrolese hats have reappeared in London after an interval of nearly
five years. We understand that the yodel waistcoat will also be heard
this spring.

***

A Welshman was fined fifteen pounds last week for fishing for salmon
with a lamp. Defendant's plea, that he was merely investigating the
scientific question of whether salmon yawn in their sleep, was not
accepted.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WELL, ANYHOW, NO ONE COULD TELL THAT THIS WAS ONCE A
BRITISH WARM."]

* * * * *

MORE BOAT-RACE "INTELLIGENCE."

"The Oxford crew had a hard training for an hour and a-half
under the direction of Mr. Harcourt Gold, who is to catch them
at Putney."--_Evening Paper_.

But will they catch Cambridge at Barnes?

"The Cambridge people have elected to use a scull with a
tubular shank or 'loom.'

"Oxford are using these sculls, too."--_Evening Paper_.

We have a silly old-fashioned preference for the use of oars in this
competition.

* * * * *

"On St. David's Day, Welshmen wear a leak in their
hats."--_Provincial Paper_.

Lest they should suffer from swelled head?

* * * * *

THE "NEW" WORLD.

["Direct Action," which was regarded as a novelty suitable for
an age of reconstruction, has now, by the good sense of the
Trades Union Congress, been relegated to its proper place in
the old and discredited order of things.]

In these, the young Millennium's years,
Whereof they loudly boomed the birth,
Promising by the lips of seers
New Heavens and a brand-new Earth,
We find the advertised attraction
In point of novelty is small,
And argument by force of action
Would seem the oldest wheeze of all.

When Prehistoric Man desired
Communion with his maid e