eap
And, what was more, they knew it?"
"I should," say I; and her reply
Is: "Come along and do it."

_How doth the Barrister delight_
_In any low resort,_
_And hurry from the losing fight_
_To seek another Court._

* * * * *

"Mme. Tetrazzini had not been heard in London for five years
and some little ooooooo aaaaaaaay shd cf cwyyy might have been
busy on her voice. Well, it has scarcely."--_South African
Paper_.

Her many admirers will be glad to know this.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND.

"HAND OVER YOUR MONEY!"

"CERTAINLY, MY GOOD MAN. NOW I DON'T WANT TO BE PERSONAL, BUT YOU'VE
GOT THE VERY FACE I WANT FOR MY NEW FILM, 'THE BAD MAN OF CRIMSON
CREEK.' I'LL GIVE YOU FIFTY POUNDS A WEEK FOR AN EXCLUSIVE CONTRACT.
CAN I TEMPT YOU?"]

* * * * *

THE BOAT-RACE AGAIN.

In June, 1914, I took a house on the Thames, in order to make sure of
a good view of the Boat-Race; then a man threw a bomb at Serajevo and
ruined my plans. But now it is going to happen again. And instead of
fighting with a vast crowd at Hammersmith Bridge I shall simply walk
up into the bathroom and look out of the window. It is wonderful.

Yet meanwhile I have lost some of my illusions about this race. I have
a boat myself; I myself have rowed all over the course in my boat. It
is only ten feet long, but it is very, very heavy. Still, I have rowed
in it all over the course--with ease. Yet people talk as if it was
a marvellous thing for eight men to row a light boat over the same
water. Why is that? It is because the ignorant land-lubber regards
the river Thames as a pond; or else he regards it as a river flowing
always to the sea. He forgets about the tide. The Boat-Race is rowed
_with the tide_; they deliberately choose a moment when the tide is
coming in, and hope nobody will notice; and nobody does notice. The
tide runs about three miles an hour, sometimes more; if they just sat
still in the boat they would reach Mortlake eventually, and the crowd
would get a good look at them, instead of seeing them for ten seconds.
The race ought to be rowed _against_ the tide. Then it really would
be a feat of strength; then it really would take ten years off their
lives--perhaps more. Then perhaps small boys would drop things on them
from the bridges, as they do on me. I wonder they don't