own the carriage, with the result
that by a combined swaying movement in one direction the offender was
enabled to remove his foot.

* * *

It is estimated that three hundred and forty thousand persons made fortunes
out of the War. Of these it is only fair to say that the number who
actually encouraged the War to happen are few. The vast majority simply
allowed it to come along and do its worst.

* * *

The Corporation of London made L18 on the sale of waste paper in the year
1919-1920, as compared with over L9000 in the year 1918-1919. It looks as
if in the last-named year the Corporation was in communication with a
Government Department.

* * *

"Why will not Scotsmen eat eels?" asks _The Manchester Guardian_. We cannot
say, but we have always understood that the attitude is reciprocal.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "HAVE YOU ANY--ER--HATS?"]

* * * * *

THE POST-WAR HERO.

It was a stainless patriot, who could not bear to fight
For England the oppressor, or own that she was right;
But when the War was over, to show his martial breed,
He shot down three policemen and made a woman bleed.

* * * * *

PAISLEY TO THE RESCUE OF THE COALITION.

(_The PRIME MINISTER to Mr. ASQUITH_)

Welcome, for Old Long Since's sake,
Home to your ancient seat!
It needed only this to make
My cup of joy complete;
The weary waiting time is past;
The yawning vacuum is mended;
And here we have you back at last--
Oh, HERBERT, this is splendid!

As one whose wisdom overflows
With human nature's lore,
You know they make the keenest foes
Who have been friends before;
We loved as only Liberals do
Until their rival sabres rattle
And Greek joins Greek (like me and you)--
Then is the tug of battle.

As an old Parliamentary hand
Familiar with the ropes,
Those perils you will understand
With which a Premier copes
Whose big battalions run to seed,
Having indulged a taste for slacking,
And let their muscles moult for need
Of foemen worth the whacking.

Such was my case. By habit's use
They still obeyed the whip,
But loyal zeal grew limp and loose
And things were left to rip;
I had no hope to stay the rot
And fortify their old affections
(Save for the stimulus they got
From losing by-elections).

Daily I took, to keep me fit