."

It is greatly to the EARL'S credit that at this point he made strenuous
endeavours to surrender his sword in accordance with the drill-book, but as
it refused to come out of its scabbard he was obliged to unbutton the frog
from his belt and hand over the weapon complete with leather gear. This
formality achieved, he was led away to durance vile.

Sir FRANCIS, poor fellow, fared scarcely better than the Earl. "Begone to
sea, Sir Knight," hissed the QUEEN; "mayhap the Dons will teach you more
becoming manners. Begone, I say, and look to 't your ships return not
empty, else shall you not receive payment of your winnings."

Sir FRANCIS went.

A glance at the pitiable condition of Sir WALTER caused HER MAJESTY'S heart
to soften somewhat. "Come, Sir," she cooed, "an arm, prithee, and We will
seek a place where you may read to Us the mummings of this strange bard,
WILL SHAKSPEARE."

Sir WALTER at once regained control of his nerve-centres and escorted HER
MAJESTY from the painful scene.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE ELUSIVE PEST.

JOHN BULL. "GOT HIM!"

THE PROFITEER. "I DON'T THINK!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Patient._ "AND YOU REALLY THINK THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH
MY EYESIGHT?"

_Oculist._ "NOTHING AT ALL. PERFECTLY NORMAL."

_Patient._ "AH, THEN IT MUST BE THE WAY I'VE BEEN HOLDING MY PUTTER."]

* * * * *

GEORGE AND THE COW-DRAGON.

The "rockerty-tockerty-tock" refrain of the carriage-wheels below me
changed into a jarring whine as the train came to a full stop. I looked out
on a dim-lit platform which seemed to be peopled only by a squad of
milk-cans standing shoulder to shoulder like Noah's Ark soldiers.

As the engine shrieked and plunged into its collar again the door was
jerked open and a man projected himself into the carriage and, opening the
window so that the compartment was flooded with cold air, leaned out and
resumed his conversation with a friend till the train bore him out of
shouting range. He then pulled up the window, trod on my foot, sat on my
lap and eventually came to rest on the seat opposite me.

It was a small man, red of head and bright of eye. He wore his cap at the
back of his head, so as to exhibit to an admiring world a carefully-
cultured curl of the "quiff" variety, which was plastered across his
forehead with a great expenditure of grease. His tie was a ready-made bow