ilmer. In reply I received another of his scrawls:--

"What's this about a raven? Don't let it grow on you. The Victory Croquet
Club is taking my ROLLER, L7 carriage forward. I gave L3 10s. for it
second-hand ten years ago.

"N.B.--I had great difficulty in reading your writing. Don't cultivate
illegibility; it's tiresome for your friends."

* * * * *

[Illustration: NO, THIS IS NOT A CELEBRATED COMEDIAN TELLING A FUNNY STORY;
IT'S MERELY A PRIVATE CITIZEN THREATENING TO REPORT TO THE PROFITEERING
COMMITTEE.]

* * * * *

"Referring to charges of drunkenness the Chairman said there were 13
men and five women fined for drunkenness and residing at Chiswick."--
_Local Paper._

To reside at Chiswick may be an eccentricity, but surely is not an offence.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Auctioneer._ "COME, GENTS, HOW MUCH FOR THESE DOZEN
BRACES?"

_Tommy._ "CAN'T TAKE MORE'N ELEVEN, GUV'NOR. LOST MY SECOND-BEST EVENING
TROUSERS ON THE SOMME."]

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"JOHN FERGUSON."

After the unsatisfying theatre-diet which has fallen to me of late I was
doubly glad to get my teeth into Mr. St. JOHN ERVINE'S good meaty ration at
the Lyric Theatre, Hammersmith. His theme is as old and new as Job. _John
Ferguson_ is a saintly Ulster farmer, apostle of the doctrine of non-
resistance (rare type in those parts, I understand) and eager justifier of
the ways of God to men. _Ferguson's_ beloved farm is mortgaged; foreclosure
imminent. Help is confidently expected from brother _Andrew_ in America,
but does not come. Daughter _Hannah_, sent with a message to the brutal
mortgagee, is outraged by him. Prospective son-in-law _James_, man of great
words but little heart, rushes into the night to kill the ravisher. But it
is silent son _Andrew_ (destined for the ministry) who does the killing,
because he knows _James_ to be a craven.

_John Ferguson_ urges confidently the will of God that _James_, whom he
believes blood-guilty, should not avoid arrest, and refuses to hide him.
But when young _Andrew_ insists on giving himself up to save _James_ and
his own peace the old man's faith, weakened, falters; he protests in his
anguish, but rallies to accept this last blow from the hand of God--made
none the easier to bear by the arrival, just a fatal fortnight late, of the
money from his brother,