nt nose; and a mouth in the shape of a
big grin. "Howdy doody," said the mouth as the thing's hand shot out and
grabbed Graham's hand in a vigorous handshake.

"How--How--How--" stammered Graham.

[Illustration]

"HowHowHow?" inquired the voice. "That's a funny word. I never heard it
before."

"Ah ... eh ..." said Graham, his voice still a bit shaky. "I was
actually trying to say, 'How do you do?'"

"Oh, I see," replied the being, "but how do I do what?"

"No. I mean I'm trying to say, er ... 'howdy doody' to you."

"Oh. Now I understand. I'm sorry for being so dumb. But you see, my
entire vocabulary comes from TV shows. I never actually went to school,
so some things I do not know. I beg of you, forgive me!" he shouted as
he bent down on one knee and held Graham's hand.

"There's no need to be so dramatic," said Graham. "I forgive you."

"Oh, thanks a bunch," the creature said. "Is there anything you'd like
to watch? You can watch any television show that's ever been recorded in
television history. Just say the word."

"Well, nothing right now," Graham answered. "But I'm really curious as
to how you came into being."

"HOW! I! CAME! INTO! BEING? Hmmmmm. Oh, you mean how I was manufactured.
Well, originally a tinsmith made me. But then I lost my head over a
girl. Then one day an electrical genius from Mars came to Oz to discuss
a contract to build satellite dishes. They wanted to bounce signals from
Mars to earth in order to relay Martian soap operas in exchange for some
earth programming to Mars. Their favorite earth programs are reruns of
_Mork and Mindy_ and _Star Trek_. They're even more popular than their
prime-time blockbuster, _My Favorite Earthling._ Anyway ... as I was
saying ... Let's see ... I had lost my head, and--"

"Now, wait a minute!" Graham interrupted. "There are no people on Mars.
Besides, the environment there is too hostile to support life."

"Oh. You mean that they have too many harsh TV critics?"

"No. I mean that--For one thing, the temperature would be too harsh.
It's way too cold on Mars to support life. Not to mention the
atmosphere, which is mostly carbon dioxide."

"Oh, my dear boy," smiled the face. "You don't know anything, do you?
Oh, you know your scientific facts all right but, according to my memory
banks, there is life all over the universe that your scientists' crude
observation methods cannot even detect."

"You're beginning to sound like the UFO people I talked