Irish swear by two staple beverages," says _The Daily Mail_. We feel,
however, that an Irishman who was really trying could swear by more than
this.

* * *

We understand that the Foreign Office takes a serious view of the large
number of public-houses which have been burgled during the last few weeks.
It is feared that it may be the work of a foreign spy who is endeavouring
to secure the recipe of British Government ale.

* * *

"A large number of army tanks have been sent to Africa," announces an
article in a daily paper. However, as the brontosaurus is supposed to
devour four of these delicacies at every meal, it is feared that unless a
great many more are sent out immediately this dainty animal may be faced
with extermination.

* * *

A morning paper announces that all airships of "R 34" type are now
obsolete. We have decided to stick a pin in each of ours.

* * *

From Ireland comes the pleasing news that the wife of a well-known Sinn
Feiner has just presented her husband with a little bomberette.

* * *

Since the publication of Professor KEITH'S statistics of efficiency,
showing the superiority of the physical condition of miners over that of
almost every other class of worker, the argument, so popular with the
advocates of nationalisation, that a miner's occupation is a most unhealthy
one, has been given a rest.

* * *

"I doubt if even the youngest child to-day will live to see the real fruits
of the War," said the Bishop of Lincoln last week. Another unmerited slight
on the O.B.E.

* * *

"Visitors to the Zoo," says _The Daily Mail_, "should not miss the rare
spectacle of the highest five animals under one roof--the gorilla, the
chimpanzee, the orang-outang, the gibbon and man." Naturally everybody is
asking, "Who is the lucky man?"

* * *

A merciless campaign against rats is to be waged by the inhabitants of a
large Yorkshire town. This is supposed to be the outcome of the continued
indifference with which these rodents have treated the many propaganda
campaigns which the town has organised.

* * *

Liverpool City Council is to consider the appointment of women park-
keepers. In support it is urged that when it comes to persuading a paper
bag to go along quietly the superior tact of a woman is bound to tell.

* * *

Arrangements for the continuation of the Food Ministry, it is stated, are
still incomplete. It would be a thousand pities if a mere abundance of food
should lead to