his experience with a fulness and freedom of language impossible in
cabled despatches.

Yours faithfully,
STANLEY LIVINGSTONE JONES.

* * * * *

A "MALADE IMAGINAIRE"?

"Bath-chair wanted, small lady good condition."--_Ladies' Paper._

* * * * *

A CHOICE OF SINECURES.

"LADY-NURSE-HELP; three girls (12, 10, eight); two maids kept; month's
holiday (fortnightly); salary L40."--_Daily Paper._

"WANTED, a Housemaid, wages 27s. 6d., no duties."--_New Zealand Paper._

* * * * *

"Lady would like to Join jolly Family for Dinner every night."--_Advt.
in Daily Paper._

Yes, but how long would they remain jolly?

* * * * *

"Windsor Castle Niggers, from His Majesty's Chapel Royal, gave an
excellent programme."--_Local Paper._

The programme merely announced them as "Windsor Castle Singers," but this
no doubt was to give the audience a greater surprise.

* * * * *

"The revival of the Hunt Ball, and the intelligence that the Race Ball
is also to be re-introduced next month, has restored the ---- dance
season to its pre-war brilliance. The Hunt event passed off with
_eclair_."--_Local Paper._

Supper seems to have been all right, anyhow.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A CONVERTED SPIRIT.

GENIUS OF ALCOHOL. "AND TO THINK THAT I WAS ONCE REGARDED AS AN IMPEDIMENT
TO LOCOMOTION!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mayfair Copper._ "NOW THEN, GET A MOVE ON, TARZAN. THIS
AIN'T A MONKEY NEIGHBOURHOOD."]

* * * * *

WON ON THE POSTS.

(_With the British Army in France._)

The decisive victory of the Racing Club de Petiteville--late the _deuxieme
equipage_ of the Sportif Club de Petiteville--over the _troisieme equipage_
of the Societe Athletique de Pont Neuf would not appear to have any bearing
on the washing of Percival's collars and pyjamas; but, according to Elfred
Fry, there was a poignant connection between the two.

When the Sportif Club received the challenge they doubted whether to accept
it, as the Societe Athletique was rumoured to include several veterans
approaching fifteen years of age and of tremendous physique. On being
conceded the choice of ground, however, they took up the gage and trained
and pract