ed
on by a deputation wearing striped jerseys, which they appeared to 'ave put
on at early dawn. They said the fire was lit under the copper, 'an could
they 'ave the ball?

"'Doucemong!' says I. 'Allay along, an' let's see the fire first.'

"Yes, it were lit, but only just. The water was lukewarm an' the fuel 'ad
nearly all burned away, an' Madame was standing looking at it hopelessly.

"'Pas bong,' says I to the lads. 'Pas assay chaud. Voo scroungerez
ongcore.'

"They was frantic, becos it was nearly match time. I felt inclined to give
'em the ball, but the thought of you, Sir, in a dirty collar--"

"You may keep the pair of old riding-breeches you borrowed without
permission," interrupted Percy.

"Thank you, Sir. Then all at once the lads 'ad a confab an' went away, an'
in a few minutes they was back with some lovely straight planed props of
timber, an' they chopped 'em up in a jiffy 'an got the fire roaring 'ot,
an' I gave 'em the ball, an' your collars is done an' the rest of your
things is out drying an' will be finished to-morrow."

"Of course I'm grateful," said Percival. "You might tell your young friends
I'm willing to be a vice-president of their club--on the usual terms.
What's the name of it?"

"They tell me it's called 'The Racing Club,'" said Elfred. "But I think,
Sir, you'd better give your subscription to the other club in the
village--'The Sportif Club.' You see, Sir, they 'ad a match on to-day as
well, an' when they arrived on the ground they found someone 'ad been and
scrounged their goal-posts!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: "I SAY, EXCUSE ME, DEAR OLD TOP, BUT YOU MUSTN'T WEAR THAT
GUNNER TIE NOW YOU'RE DEMOBBED. IT SIMPLY ISN'T DONE!"]

* * * * *

THE ANNIVERSARY.

Having unexpectedly retained possession of my seat in the Tube the other
evening I over-read myself and ran past my station, so it was rather late
when I reached home.

"Hullo!" I called out cheerily.

"Hullo!" echoed Margaret in a flat sort of voice; "you back?"

I refrained from facetiousness and told her that I was.

"Oh!" she said.

"Well, well, Margaret," I said in a bright and bustling manner, "we haven't
got on very well so far, have we? Can't you think of some subject on which
we can conduct a conversation in words of more than one syllable? The
skilful hostess should so frame her questions that not even the shyest
visitor can fall back on a simple