-_study_.

_Podb._ (_declining to be crushed_). Well, I call MARK TWAIN funny anyhow.
But _I'm_ going in for study now. I am--honour bright! I'm swotting up
SPENCER--look!

[_He exhibits the volume proudly._

_Miss P._ And are you not enchanted by the logical lucidity of that great
thinker?

_Podb._ Um--I should be more enchanted if I ever had the faintest notion
what the great thinker was driving at. Look here--here's a simple little
sentence for you! _(Reads.)_ "Let us therefore bear in mind the
following:--That of the whole incident force affecting an aggregate, the
effective force is that which remains after deducting the non-effective,
that the temporarily effective and the permanently effective vary
inversely, and that the molar and molecular changes wrought by the
permanently effective force also vary inversely." (_With pathos._) And
that's only in an _Epitome_, mind you!

_Miss P._ Really, Mr. PODBURY, I see nothing particularly incomprehensible
in that.

_Culch._ (_with his superior smile_). My dear PODBURY, you can hardly
expect to master the Spencerian phraseology and habit of thought without
at least _some_ preliminary mental discipline!

_Podb._ (_nettled_). Oh--but _you_ find him plain-sailing enough, I
suppose?

_Culch._ I have certainly not encountered any insuperable difficulties in
his works as _yet_.

_Podb._ Well, I'll just trouble you to explain _this_--wait a bit.
(_Opens volume again._) Ah, here we are--"And these illusive and primordial
cognitions, or pseud-ideas, are homogeneous entities which may be
differentiated objectively or subjectively, according as they are presented
as Noumenon or Phenomenon. Or, in other words, they are only cognoscible as
a colligation of incongruous coalescences." Now then--are you going to tell
me you can make head or tail of all that?

_Culch._ (_perceiving that_ Miss P. _is awaiting his reply in manifest
suspense_). It's simple enough, my dear fellow, only I can't expect _you_
to grasp it. It is merely a profound truth stated with masterly precision.

_Podb._ Oh, is _that_ all, my dear fellow? (_He flings up his heels in an
ecstasy._) I _knew_ I'd have you! Why, I made that up myself as I went
along, and if _you_ understand it, it's a jolly sight more than _I_ do!
[_He roars with laughter._

_Miss P._ (_behind her handkerchief_). Mr. CULCHARD has evidently gone
through the--the "preliminary mental discipline."

_Culch._ (_scarlet and sulky_). O