NIA BOWDLER.

To the Respectable Citizen, the Moral Matron, and the Young Person, with a
love of larkiness and lilt, but a distrust of politics, pugilism, and deep
potations, the following eclectic adaptation of this prodigiously popular
ballad may perhaps be not altogether unwelcome.

No. I.--TWO LOVELY BROWN EYES,

AIR--"_Two Lovely Black Eyes_".

Strolling one Sunday near Bethnal Green,
This "aesthete" you might have seen,
Surveying "the People" with scornful spleen
When, oh, what a surprise!
An Art Exhibition I chanced to see,
Therein I entered right speed-i-lee,
When--on a canvas--there shone on me
Two lovely brown eyes!

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
Smiling right down on a dingy throng,
Two lovely brown eyes!

From a canvas of "High Art" sort they shone,
Their owner was cinctured with classic zone,
She was spare of flesh, she was big in bone,
Oh, what a surprise!
A parson, whom everyone owned "a good sort,"
Had hung them there for the pleasure and sport
Of the dreary dwellers in slum and court,
Those lovely brown eyes!

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
Drawing the gaze of an East-End crowd,
Two lovely brown eyes!

My own regard, as I loitered there,
Fastened on one proletariat pair,
With finery frowsy, and oily hair;
Oh, what a surprise!
"SALLIE" and "BILL" were the names they flung
Frankly abroad with unreticent tongue,
Lounging and staring where graciously hung
Those lovely brown eyes.

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
SALLIE and BILL your calm beauty could thrill;
Two lovely brown eyes!

Art (so I argue) for all is best,
Here, in the East, on the Day of Rest,
Lo! my pet theory put to the test!
Oh, what a surprise!
The chap staring there is a Coster true,
Trowsered in corduroy, belchered in blue;
What does _he_ think of your heavenly hue,
Two lovely brown eyes?

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
"SALLIE", he whispered, "_she's_ got, like _you_,
Two lovely brown eyes!"

The picture was one of BURNE-JONES'S best;
"SALLIE" was snub-nosed and showily drest;
I sought her visage in querulous quest,