verpowered
contributed to the agony of delight it afforded me) and was laid
between the thighs of my murdered parent; and from there I had
presently crawled my way into the evacuated, abdomen. The act, so
far as I can decide of a dream at an age when emission was out of
the question, caused in me extreme organic excitement. At all
events, I used afterward definitely to recur to it in the waking
moments before sleep for the purpose of gaining a state of
erection. The dream had no outcome; it seemed to reach its goal
in the excitement it caused. I was at that time between 3 and 4
years old. (I have been told that erections occurred when I was
only 2 years old. It was between 3 and 4 that I used to induce,
at all events, the _sensation_ of an erection. But I was nearer 5
when, sitting on my bed and waiting to be dressed, I got an
involuntary erection and called my nurse's attention to it,
asking what it meant. The _appearance_ must, therefore, have been
usual to me at that date, but certainly the sensation was not.)

"At that time I was totally ignorant of the conditions, of
puberty, which afterward, when I discovered them, so powerfully
affected me. I could not even visualize the private organs of a
man; I made no deductions from myself. The only naked bodies I
had seen then--I judge from circumstances, not from any actual
memory of the facts--were those of my own sisters. In the waking
dreams which I began to construct, though I recurred often to the
one already narrated, the goal of my desire was generally to
nestle between the thighs or to have my face pressed against the
hinder parts of the object of my worship. But for a time my first
dream so engrossed me that I did not indulge in any promiscuity.
Gradually, however, my horizon enlarged, and took in, besides the
first mentioned, three others: a cousin very much my elder, an
uncle, and the curate of the parish.

"At this stage I began to invent circumstances for the indulgence
of my passion. One of the earliest was to imagine myself in a
tank with my three lovers floating in the water above me. From
this position I visited their limbs in turn; the attraction
rested in the thighs and buttocks only. I fancy this limitation
of the charm to the lower parts only lasted until actual
experience of a more complete embrace made