of Southgate men called to the colours are being conducted
by a committee. Small sons of those absent fathers are going very warily
until they have ascertained exactly how far the powers of the committee
extend.

***

Writing on the German retreat Major MORAHT says: "Only a personality like
that of Marshal von Hindenburg could give proofs of so great an
initiative." Possibly he has never heard of the Dukes of York and Plaza
Toro.

***

A boy of eleven charged with the theft of clothes is said to have stolen
the notebook of the policeman who arrested him. His first idea was to pinch
his captor's whistle, but he rejected this plan on finding that the
policeman was attached to it.

***

Russian soldiers under the new _regime_ will be allowed to smoke in the
streets, travel inside trains, visit clubs and attend political meetings.
There is a very strong rumour that they will also be allowed to go on
fighting.

***

A ten-months-old boy at Prescot, Lancashire, has been called up for
military service. It is, however, authoritatively stated that this is
merely a precautionary measure on the part of the War Office, and will not
necessarily apply to other men in the same class.

***

A Bromley gentleman is advertising for a chauffeur "to drive Ford car out
of cab-yard." Kindness is a great thing in cases of this sort, and we
suggest trying to entice it out with a piece of cheese.

***

"You have lost the privilege of serving on the last grand jury during the
War," said the judge at the London Sessions last week to a shipowner who
arrived at the court late. We understand that the poor fellow broke down
and sobbed bitterly.

***

Nearly every Russian newspaper contains congratulatory references to Free
Russia, and poets are busy composing verses on the same theme. It is this
latter item which is said to be keeping the Germans from having a similar
revolution.

***

We understand that the new "No Smoking near Magazines" enactment is
profoundly resented in editorial circles.

***

To fill the gap which will be left in the ranks of Parliamentary humorists
by the retirement of Mr. JOSEPH KING, M.P., who has decided not to seek
re-election, the Variety Artistes Federation have nominated a candidate for
the Brixton Division.

***

"On whatever day you sow your wheat," says Miss MARIE CORELLI, "you cannot
stop its growing on Sundays." Mr.