t an' ben;
But I could teach the German chiel
A truth he doesna ken;
Gin ye would find the hame o' mind
An' intellectual life, man,
Ye needna look far frae the Nook,
The bonny Nook o' Fife, man.

Whaur did our good EX-PREMIER go
Whene'er he wished to swank?
To Lunnon? Edinburgh? No!
He cam' to Ladybank;
Nae doot he thocht if there was ocht
Would put him on his mettle
'Twas meetin' men o' brain, ye ken,
Like us frae auld Kingskettle.

Fleet Street is fu' o' Fifers tae;
The Cockneys want the views
O' men like JOCK MCFARLANE frae
_The Crail and Cupar News_;
For if a chiel can write sae weel
That you an' me will read him,
Why, man, withoot a shade o' doot
Lunnon is sure to need him.

Then tak' the Army. What d'ye see?
Wha's chief? Nae need to tell
That DOUGLAS HAIG is prood to be
A Fifer like mesel';
An' weel he may, for truth to say
There's something aye aboot us:
In ilka trade they want oor aid--
They canna win withoot us.

* * * * *

Wedding Fashions, B.C.

"The bridesmaid was attired in pink carnations."--_"Daily Colonist,"
Victoria, British Columbia._

* * * * *

[Illustration: FRIGHTFULNESS ON THE ALLOTMENTS.]

* * * * *

THE HARDSHIPS OF BILLETS.

Jim and me could never 'ave got through the six weeks we was billeted with
Mrs. Sweedle if we 'adn't been 'ardened by Mrs. Larkins in the way I 'ave
described.

Mrs. Sweedle were a widow woman with a big family, besides a aged father
and a brother who suffered with fits. The billetin' orficer was afraid she
wouldn't he able to take us in, but Mrs. Sweedle was willin' and eager.

"Bless their hearts, that I will," she said; "it shall never be said I
turned a soldier from my door. Nobody knows better than I do what soldiers
is in an 'ouse. Always merry and bright and ready to put their 'ands to
anything when a poor woman's work's never done and she's delicate and
liable to the sick-'eadache in the mornin's. There's the week's clothes to
go through the wringer, but I know what soldiers is for a wringer; they
can't leave it alone. And if I 'appens to overlay meself I know there's no
cause to worry about Grandfer's cup o' tea, nor yet Bobby and Tom and
Albert gettin' off to school tidy. Like as not they'll do me more credit
than if I washed 'em meself; there's n