!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE "DAMNED SPOT."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: "YOU OUGHT REALLY TO MANAGE TO GET BLOWN TO BITS SOMEHOW,
NOBBY. YOU'D MAKE A CHAMPION JIG-SAW PUZZLE."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: "HEY, DONAL'! HERE'S A WEE BETTLESHIP COMIN' ALONG."

"OCH! A WISH IT MICHT BE A U-BOAT."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Old Lady._ "PARDON ME! I SUPPOSE YOU'VE JUST COME FROM THE
SEA. CAN YOU TELL ME WHY I'VE HAD TO PAY A PENNY MORE FOR SCALLOPS
TO-DAY?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Landlord._ "WHATEVER DID YOU LET THE FIRE OUT FOR? WHY
DIDN'T YOU PUT SOME COALS ON?"

_Stoker._ "NOT LIKELY! I'M ON LEAVE, I AM."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Friend._ "SEE YOU'RE IN A HURRY. WON'T KEEP YOU. OFF TO
ADMIRALTY, I SUPPOSE?"

_Sub-Lieutenant H.M.S. "Unbendable."_ "NOT EXACTLY. FACT IS I'M DUE AT MME.
GIROUETTE'S ACADEMY. STRUCK AGAINST A COUPLE OF NEW STEPS IN THE FOX TROT
AT THE PILKINGTONS' LAST NIGHT--RATHER WORRIED ME. BYE-BYE. MUST SHOVE
OFF!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Apologetic Golfer._ "I SHOUTED 'FORE!' YOU KNOW."
_Sailor._ "WELL, YOU'VE HIT ME AFT!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Tar (by way of opening the conversation)._ "AHEM! BEEN OUT
IN THE LIFEBOAT OFTEN, MISS?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Jones (who in going through his wardrobe has unearthed a
memento of happier days at Margate)._ "WELL, IF THEY SHOULD CALL UP THE
FORTY-FIVES, I THINK IT WILL HAVE TO BE THE NAVY."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _The Artist (impatiently)._ "FOR GOODNESS' SAKE PUT SOME
EXPRESSION INTO IT! JUST IMAGINE YOU'VE COME THROUGH A TERRIBLE
EXPERIENCE--SHIP TORPEDOED--YOU SOLE SURVIVOR. AFTER CLINGING TO A
BELAYING-PIN NINETEEN HOURS IN THE OPEN SEA YOU ARE RESCUED AT THE LAST
GASP. YOU ARE NOW RELATING YOUR ADVENTURES TO YOUR AGED PARENTS."

_Model (obligingly)._ "THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR--I CAN MANAGE IT. BUT EXCUSE
ME. DID YOU SAY EIGHTEEN HOURS, OR WAS IT NINETEEN?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _King Alfred (founder of the Navy)._ "MADAM, I WAS
EXPERIMENTING ON BISCUITS FOR MY SEA-DOGS."]

* * * * *

"LET HER GO!"

A TRAMP CHANTEY