***

Mr. Punch has already called attention to the statement that is costs
the nation a guinea every time a question is asked in Parliament. The
only difference between Westminster and the haunts of the General
Practitioner is that in the latter case (1) you pay out of your own
pocket, and (2) your tongue is protruded instead of being kept in the
cheek.

***

Burglars are very superstitious, says a press-gossip. For example
the appearance of a policeman while a burglar is drilling a safe is
considered distinctly unlucky.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "NO, MADAM. _NINE GUINEAS_--NOT NINE-AND-NINEPENCE."]

* * * * *

"The pores of the ordinary individual," says a, weekly paper, "would
reach nearly forty miles if placed end to end." We hope that nothing
of the kind will be attempted, as the traffic difficulties are bad
enough already.

***

A Thames bargee is reported to have sworn at a policeman for eleven
minutes without stopping. We understand that there is talk of having
the oration set to music.

***

Considerable damage has been caused in the Isle of Wight by rats. A
description of the offenders has been furnished to the police.

***

In order to cope with the traffic problem the L.G.O. Company have
placed one hundred additional omnibuses on the London streets. This
is such an admirable solution of a serious difficulty that people are
wondering what member of the Government first suggested it.

***

Despite the fact that his wife has attempted to shoot him eleven times
a Detroit architect declares that he will never leave her. He appears
to be one of those men who can never take a hint.

***

Mr. F.M.B. FISHER reports that in New Zealand some convicts recently
went on hunger-strike because a band played outside the prison. It
seems that their ground of complaint was that this was not included in
the sentence.

***

A correspondent writing to _The Daily News_ points out that the reign
of Satan has been cut short by eighty thousand years, and that the end
of the world is at hand. Several people in search of flats are now
wondering whether it is worth while after all.

***

Mr. SEAN T.O. KELLY, the Sinn Fein M.P., has handed M. CLEMENCEAU a
copy of the "Declaration of Independence of Ireland." Other means have
also been employed to entertain and amuse the distinguished inva