Anybody else can have
the arable. Just a comfortable house and some meadows; about twenty
acres or even thirty.

_Our Mr. P_. The biggest one I've given you is thirty. The place near
Newbury is twenty-three.

_C_. Well, I'11 go and see them as soon as I can. _[Gets up_.

_Our Mr. P_. The sooner the better, I should advise. There's a great
demand for country-houses just now.

_C.(sitting solidly down again)._ Ah, yes, but this is different. What
I want is not so much a country-house in the ordinary meaning of the
term as a farm-house, but without possessing a farm. Just enough
buildings and meadow-land to breed a few shorthorns and a yearling or
two. The house must be comfortable, you know, roomy, but not anything
pretentious. _[Gets up again_.

_Our Mr.P._ I quite understand. That's just what I've given you.

_C. (again seating himself)._ The whole scheme may be foolishness. My
wife says it is. But _(here I believe I groaned audibly; at any rate
all the other clerks looked up)_ there it is. When a man has enough to
retire on and pay the piper he's entitled to call the tune; isn't he?

_[At this point I resist the temptation to take him by the shoulders
and push him out_.

_Our Mr. P_. Quite, quite. Well, Sir, if you take my advice you'11 go
to Newbury as quickly as you can. It's a first-rate place--most highly
recommended.

_[Here the client very deliberately puts the three "orders to view" in
his inside pocket and slowly buttons his coat. I flutter on tiptoe,
eager for his chair._

_C_. If these won't do you'11 find me some more?

_Our Mr. P_. With pleasure.

_C_. Very well; good morning.

_[Moves away. I have just begun to speak when he returns._

_C_. Don't forget what I want it for. And not too far from London or
my wife will dislike it.

_Our Mr. P_. Yes, you told me that. I've got a note of it here.

_C_. And you won't forget about the acreage?

_Our Mr. P_. No."

_C.(addressing me)._ I'm afraid I've kept you waiting.

_I (like the craven liar I am)._ It's all right.

_[Client ultimately withdraws, but still with reluctance, and after
two or three hesitations and half-turns back_.

And the tragic part of it is that his name is Legion.

That is why if I had a boy I should teach him the art of leaving.
Almost nothing else matters.

* * * * *

OFFICIAL EUPHEMISM.

DR. ADDISON has stated that for some time past it has been the
practice riot to use the wo