s
a fixed price and is allotted by chance a seat in the stalls or
the gallery.]

The Equality plan we will run if we can
So that never a man or a woman need grumble--
If theatres, should the idea not include
Books, clothing and food for the great and the humble?
You will pay a fixed sum and accept what may come,
Be it loser or plum; and, to shun all that vexes,
We'll even eliminate what modern women hate,
And will not discriminate as to the sexes.

The question of dress may at first, I confess,
Make a sort of a mess of our smart Small-and-Earlies,
Where the First Footman John wears the garb of a don,
And Lord CURZON comes on from the House in his pearlies;
But when our char kneels on the steps and reveals
The last word in "Lucilles," will she not put her heart more
And more in her duties while great social beauties
Slink by in "pampooties" and arrows from Dartmoor?

Our tastes and our breeding no more will be leading
The paths of our reading; we'll read what we've got to
(And it _will_ be a sell for Mamma if her Nell
Gets the last ETHEL DELL, when Mamma told her _not_ to);
It may be a worry to poor GILBERT MURRAY
To read Hints on Curry and Blouses and Batter
In _Home Chat_, it's true; but still more of a stew
_The Occult Review_ may appear to his hatter.

In the matter of meals, since the rations one feels
Hedonistic ideals have so soundly been shaken
That even the swankiest Duke might say, "Thankee!"
For Hodge's red hanky of bread and cold bacon;
But if in the sequel all chances are equal
You'll have to see me quell a volume of curses
When our "jobs" they allot, and I _still_ have to swot,
If I like it or not, writing topical verses.

* * * * *

A HARDY ANNUAL.

The butler, John Binns, who is an old and faithful retainer to this
household, is now suffering from his annual cough. It is a terrific
cough, capable of disputing supremacy with all other coughs of which
the world has heard. The special points about this cough are (1) its
loudness; (2) its combination of the noises made by all other
coughs; (3) its depth; (4) its shriek of despair as it trembles
and reverberates through the house; (5) its capacity to repel and
annihilate sympathy. It is true that I have interviewed Binns with
regard to his cough--it is an annual interview and is expected of me.
I have urged him