n a ca-ar an' r-ride out to number
nine-double-naught-nine Archey R-road, an' stop whin he sees th' sign iv
th' Tip-p'rary Boodweiser Brewin' Company. I'm here fr'm eight in the
mornin' till midnight, an' th' r-rest iv th' time I'm in the back room
in th' ar-rms iv Or-rphyus, as Hogan says. Th' Presidint is as welcome
as anny rayspictable marrid man. I will give him a chat an' a dhrink f'r
fifteen cints; an', as we're not, as a frind iv mine in th' grocery an'
pothry business says, intirely a commercial an' industhreel nation, if
he has th' Sicrety iv th' Threasury with him, I'll give thim two f'r
twinty-five cints, which is th' standard iv value among civilized
nations th' wurruld over. Prisidint iv th' United States, says ye? Well,
I'm prisidint iv this liquor store, fr'm th' pitcher iv th' Chicago fire
above th' wash-stand in th' back room to th' dure-step. Beyond that
belongs to th' polisman on th' bate. An Amurrican's home, as wan iv th'
potes says, is his castle till th' morgedge falls due. An' divvle a fut
will I put out iv this dure to see e'er a prisidint, prince, or
potentate, fr'm th' czar iv Rooshia to th' king iv Chiny. There's
Prisidint Mack at th' Audjiotoroom, an' here's Prisidint Dooley at
nine-double-naught-nine, an' th' len'th iv th' sthreet between thim.
Says he, 'Come over to th' hotel an' see me.' Says I, 'If ye find
ye'ersilf thrun fr'm a ca-ar in me neighborhood, dhrop in.' An' there ye
ar-re.

"I may niver see him. I may go to me grave without gettin' an' eye on
th' wan man besides mesilf that don't know what th' furrin' policy iv
th' United States is goin' to be. An he, poor man, whin some wan asts
him, 'Did ye iver meet Dooley:' 'll have to say, 'No, I had th' chanst
wanst, but me ac-cursed pride kept me from visitin' him.'

"I r-read his speeches, though, an' know what he's doin.' Some iv thim
ar-re gr-reat. He attinded th' banket given be th' Prospurity Brigade at
th' hotel where he's stoppin'. 'Twas a magnificent assimblage iv th'
laborin' classes, costin' fifteen dollars a plate, an' on'y disturbed
whin a well-to-do gintleman in th' dhry-goods business had to be thrun
out f'r takin' a kick at a waiter. I r-read be th' papers that whin Mack
come in he was rayceived be th' gatherin' with shouts iv approval. Th'
proceedin's was opened with a prayer that Providence might r-remain
undher th' protection iv th' administhration. Th' Sicrety iv th'
Treasury followed with a gran' speech, highly com