en thim bringin' him home; an' th' little woman
met him at th' dure, rumplin' her apron in her hands."

ON THE GAME OF FOOTBALL.

"Whin I was a young man," said Mr. Dooley, "an' that was a long time
ago,--but not so long ago as manny iv me inimies'd like to believe, if I
had anny inimies,--I played futball, but 'twas not th' futball I see
whin th' Brothers' school an' th' Saint Aloysius Tigers played las' week
on th' pee-raries.

"Whin I was a la-ad, iv a Sundah afthernoon we'd get out in th' field
where th' oats'd been cut away, an' we'd choose up sides. Wan cap'n'd
pick one man, an' th' other another. 'I choose Dooley,' 'I choose
O'Connor,' 'I choose Dimpsey,' 'I choose Riordan,' an' so on till there
was twinty-five or thirty on a side. Thin wan cap'n'd kick th' ball, an'
all our side'd r-run at it an' kick it back; an' thin wan iv th' other
side'd kick it to us, an' afther awhile th' game'd get so timpischous
that all th' la-ads iv both sides'd be in wan pile, kickin' away at wan
or th' other or at th' ball or at th' impire, who was mos'ly a la-ad
that cudden't play an' that come out less able to play thin he was whin
he wint in. An', if anny wan laid hands on th' ball, he was kicked be
ivry wan else an' be th' impire. We played fr'm noon till dark, an'
kicked th' ball all th' way home in the moonlight.

"That was futball, an' I was a great wan to play it. I'd think nawthin'
iv histin' th' ball two hundherd feet in th' air, an' wanst I give it
such a boost that I stove in th' ribs iv th' Prowtestant minister--bad
luck to him, he was a kind man--that was lookin' on fr'm a hedge. I was
th' finest player in th' whole county, I was so.

"But this here game that I've been seein' ivry time th' pagan fistival
iv Thanksgivin' comes ar-round, sure it ain't th' game I played. I seen
th' Dorgan la-ad comin' up th' sthreet yestherdah in his futball
clothes,--a pair iv matthresses on his legs, a pillow behind, a mask
over his nose, an' a bushel measure iv hair on his head. He was followed
be three men with bottles, Dr. Ryan, an' th' Dorgan fam'ly. I jined
thim. They was a big crowd on th' peerary,--a bigger crowd than ye cud
get to go f'r to see a prize fight. Both sides had their frinds that
give th' colledge cries. Says wan crowd: 'Take an ax, an ax, an ax to
thim. Hooroo, hooroo, hellabaloo. Christyan Bro-others!' an' th' other
says, 'Hit thim, saw thim, gnaw thim, chaw thim, Saint Aloysius!' Well,
afther awhile t